Thursday, May 5, 2016

A Vision of the Five Bikers



     A Vision of the Five Bikers

          I dreamed that I saw a land secretly besieged.
          It did not know that it was under attack.
          Five berserk raiders came, mounted on motorcycles. These five bikers were spirit warriors; they left no physical trace of their deeds. They rampaged and destroyed, but nobody knew. Millions vanished, but nobody ever noticed.
          These metaphysical marauders did not kill; they cancelled out. They erased. Their victims did not die because they were never even born. A Biker’s prey ceased ever to have been. It was an eerie struggle, a ghostly battle with the unborn. The Five Bikers did not kill; they annihilated.
          Thus the population stayed constant. The Bikers ensured this; that was their function.
          The Five Bikers, like the Four Horsemen, were there to keep the human population in check. Thanks to them, our numbers stayed limited, and the cosmos was spared an infestation of humanity.
          Times had changed; Horseman tactics were obsolete on a technological civilization; so the Bikers used subtler means. The Four Horsemen fought by causing death; but these Five Bikers fought by preventing birth.
          They rode under a banner bearing this proud motto:
          AN OUNCE OF PREVENTION IS WORTH A POUND OF CURE.
          They were the Five Bikers of the Ecology, and they annihilated the unborn without mercy.
          I saw Contraception dispense pills, creams, latex devices, and operations.
          I saw Masturbation sell text, picture and video to the lonely.
          I saw Feminism bestow career advice.
          Most destructive of all was the fifth biker, a hideous giant who swallowed lives whole. Few indeed escaped the depredations of Expense.
          Dismayed at such destruction, I willed myself out of the dream, away, away, awake! But as I rose towards waking, I looked down and saw that the Five Bikers of the Ecology fought alone.
          Only the unborn fell.
          The living were unharmed.
          There was not slaughter.
          No famine.
          No plague.
          No war.
          The Four Horsemen were silent.


Wednesday, May 4, 2016

The Fest



          The Fest
          (after Kipling’s “The Quest”)

A knave came home from the fest
Haggard and dazed, he moaned
Weary and slovenly dressed
Staggering drunk and stoned

Partying takes no shame
Folly was first to arrive
Merrily toot the great cheroot
And drown out the government’s jive!

Chorus:      Here are my pants to mend
                   And here is my head to be shrunk
                   The party was long
                   And the drinks, they were strong
                   But I drank as much as I drunk!
                   Yah, I drank as much as I drunk!

O dark and deep the den
That thrummed of rock and roll
I couldn’t find a lady friend
And so I lost control

Utterly whelmed was I
Buzzed like a bee in a hive
Merrily toot the great cheroot
And drown out the government’s jive!

(chorus)

My senses have been through a blitz
But that’s what I already knew
You see my dazed and scattered wits
But never the minds I blew!

Matching them drink for drink
Good bargaining to contrive
Merrily toot the great cheroot
And drown out the government’s jive!

(chorus)

My folly you can’t compute
You say that my talk is absurd
But you didn’t salute the great galoot
And you didn’t give him the bird

Surely he comes to enslave again
But when you prove he’s lyin’
There will come to your help my broken yelp
From this lost weekend of mine!

(chorus)



Tuesday, May 3, 2016

Fairy Tales

     Fairy Tales

You’re got it all backwards:
Maidens devour dragons,
Vampires offer their blood,
Phantoms terrify by their absence,
The full wolf turns a man into a moon,
And even the flag is full of pentagrams.