Saint Dragon and the George
Once upon a time, a Dragon awoke to the sound of holiday celebration from a nearby Human town. It rumbled, “This agitation must be suppressed.” The Dragon scuttled out of its den, unfolded its enormous wings and lifted into the sky with a cry of “LAW AND ORDER!”
Halfway to town the Dragon landed, fried a flock of sheep with one breath, and devoured them in one gulp. It belched a fireball and said, “I am the victim here.” Then it resumed flight.
Once above town it howled and blazed. Humans scattered before it like ants, and they withered under its fire-blasts. The Dragon roared, “Acceptable collateral damage!” It tore down the Bank, shoveled gold and jewels through its mouth into its crop, then said, “Criminal loot confiscated!” The Dragon lifted off, setting fires everywhere. It flew away from the fire-storm, and it bellowed, “I have destroyed the town in order to save it!”
Once back in its den the Dragon coughed gold and gems out of its crop onto its hoard. It curled around its hoard, closed its eyes and rumbled, “Doing well by doing good.”
The next day, a Knight entered the Dragon’s den. He had fireproof armor and a sharp sword. The Dragon roared, “Unprovoked aggression shall not stand!” They battled, and the Dragon suffered a mortal wound. With its dying breath it said, “History will vindicate me.”
Moral: Even a monster can claim virtue.
Comment: Noam Chomsky said, “Benign intentions are virtually always professed, even by the worst monsters, and hence carry no information, even in the technical sense of that term.” The last eight words display Chomsky’s characteristic rigor and sarcasm.
I read this, then asked myself, “Even the worst monsters? All right then, why not a dragon?” Thus this fable was conceived.