3. Superpower Supercorrupts
Elvis looked at Rambo bleakly. He said, “All right, mista, yew’ve had yer say. Now it’s the U.S. Army’s turn!” And Elvis began his final attempt to impress Rambo.
He strummed a chord on his guitar; and from out of nowhere, a spotlight shone. Illuminated by its glory, Elvis began to Rock; and when Elvis Rocks, reality itself Rolls!
Elvis revealed his magical Elvis Nature, by signs, wonders, loud noise, and by expensive special effects. He sang, “ ’Scuse me while Ah kiss th’ skah!”
And right there, before Rambo’s eyes, he danced the Dance of Elvis. He morphed from form to form. At $10,000 per second, he transformed into:
Young Elvis, Old Elvis, Fat Elvis, Dead Elvis, Creator Elvis, Preserver Elvis, Destroyer Elvis, Past Elvis, Present Elvis, Future Elvis, Eternal Elvis, Saint Elvis, Sinner Elvis, Jesus Elvis, Satan Elvis, Cthulhu Elvis, Godzilla Elvis, Dracula Elvis, Frankenstein Elvis, Wolfman Elvis, Yeti Elvis, Loch Ness Elvis, Cyborg Elvis, Alien Elvis, Plastic Elvis, Electric Elvis, Atomic Elvis, Molecular Elvis, Virus Elvis, Bacterial Elvis, Amoeba Elvis, Sperm Elvis, Ovum Elvis, Cockroach Elvis, Fly Elvis, Rat Elvis, Dinosaur Elvis, Apeman Elvis, Super Elvis, the Anti-Elvis, Death Elvis, God Elvis, Money Elvis, and Nuclear Elvis.
Nuclear Elvis played a single musical note:
A deep bass percussion sound:
Elvis arose as a high-towering mushroom cloud. He roared, “GRATE BALLS OF FAHR! AH IZ BECOME DEATH, SHATTERER OF – ”
“ – sheeit!” Rambo interrupted.
* blip *
Human again, Elvis raged, “Don’t yew bog down ma gee-tar, boy! Now stan’ back! Ah’m gonna show yew ELVIS HIMSELVIS!”
* blip *
“AH IZ THE PREZZYDENT OF THE YEW-NIGHTED SNAKES!” he roared, snakes writhing in his hair. Each snake bore Elvis’s face. “AN’ THE PREZZYDENT TAKES PREZZYDENT!”
Elvis’s form was huge and bizarre:
His many hands brandished tax forms and nuclear missiles;
His many eyes were named CIA, FBI, NSA, and many other names unknown, unspeakable and classified;
His many feet downtrod hordes of criminals and taxpayers;
His smaller mouth was named DOD; and his larger mouth, IRS.
It was an apocalyptic manifestation of Superpower. Over the noise of air-raid sirens and exploding bombs, Elvis howled, “AH DECLARES THE END O’ HISTORY!”
But Rambo was not impressed by this strange display. A true warrior, he feared nothing; not death, not hell, not the Devil, not the Bomb, not God, not even the President – and certainly not Elvis.
Rambo said, “Jeez, dude… you on way too much drugs!”