I’m disgusted by a certain chicken asteroid; “1997 XF1”. It made the news, back in 1997, but dropped out just as quickly.
It was supposed to be a threat to planetary security. It was supposed to give us sleepless nights, existential angst, political crises, and endless funding for high-tech toys. We were supposed to send out our heroic astronauts; they were going to overcome boredom, terror and technical glitches; they were going to save the day at the last minute. The schedule called for nuclear explosions, “mission accomplished” and a ticker-tape parade.
I even wondered which stocks to buy.
But no… the star of the show had to slack off! Planetary devastation wasn’t good enough for it! Its schedule’s packed solid for the next million years and we’re just not a high enough priority for Prima Donna Mile-Wide Rock!
I’m telling you, we were ready to rumble and the damn thing wussed out! Hey, weren’t we going to give it full coverage? CNN, ABC, MSNBC, Fox? Madonna would kill for that much publicity, what gives? Was it willing to blast a billion tons of superheated steam into the tortured sky but scared to do it on camera?
Can a planetoid get stage fright?
Maybe it’s our fault. We take one look at a flying mountain, and it backs off. Maybe it’s a compliment. Maybe it’s deference.
But I say it’s an insult. The whole human race has been snubbed by a rock! On October 26, 2028, I say let’s throw a party and not invite it!