Presidential Cat, A Modest Proposal
What with its responsibility for nukes and spies and wars and all, it’s obvious that the Presidency is not a job fit for human beings. It does something terrible to the people in it. (Therefore my quadrennial condolence notes!)
As a remedy for this tragedy, I propose that we, the people, elect a cat to the Presidency. Power cannot make a cat cynical, for cats are already completely cynical. The cat will have to be over forty in cat years, which I estimate as seven and a half. This rules out my own cat Charlie, still only two, though he’s pretty enough to campaign, and also his sister Katniss, though she’s much smarter than he is.
A Presidential cat will sign no bills, appoint no officers, make no speeches, and declare no wars. He will in theory represent the complete paralysis of the executive branch; but in practice the machinery of government will continue to move. Just how it will contrive to do so is unpredictable, and would therefore be educational.