Once upon a time, a General losing a battle prayed for a miraculous victory. He promised the God of his Idol to make a burnt offering of the first thing he saw once he got home.
After the miraculous victory, he headed home, and the moment he got there, his daughter rushed forth to greet him. He saw her, then hastily glanced aside, and saw his Idol.
The General took swift counsel within himself. He declared, “My daughter is not a thing,” and he welcomed her into his arms.
Later he made a burnt offering, not of her to the Idol, but of the Idol to her.
Moral: The best things in life aren’t things.
Commentary: This is my rebuke to Jeptha. It’s not my fault that it’s easy to be saner than the Bible. In my version the General experiences not one, but two miraculous victories.