God On Trial
Once upon a time, Church, State and Market brought God to trial on the charge of creating the Universe.
The Church, acting as prosecuting attorney, spoke at length of the terrors and tragedies of the Universe. Half of the Jury wept, the other half frowned. The Prosecution then said, “All of that suffering is the fault of the Universe’s creator, the Defendant.”
The Market, acting as defense attorney, said, “Your Honor, my client has an alibi; innocent by virtue of unreality. My client is a myth, a legend, a fictional character. My client does not exist, and therefore was not present at the scene of the crime.”
The Prosecution said, “Your Honor, I object! The Defendant does exist, and I shall prove it.” The Prosecution submitted evidence of God’s existence, the Defense proved that all of the Prosecution’s evidence was subject to reasonable doubt. The Prosecution then accused the Defendant of a cover-up; the Defense scoffed at this unfounded speculation.
After long deliberation, the Jury settled upon the Scottish Verdict: “Not Proven”. The State, acting as Judge, then said to the Defendant, “You didn’t do it, and don’t you dare do it again!”
Moral: Art is what you can get away with.
Commentary on the Underfable:
The Universe is a disturbance; therefore creating the Universe is creating a disturbance.
Some might find it counterintuitive for the Church to be God's accuser; but consider what it says. "His ways are mysterious"; "he knows things that you don't", "they suffer for their own good", "it's their own fault". But surely no Jury would think such arguments favor the Defendant. For the Defense to make a case that weak would be legal malpractice. Instead the Market, with characteristic efficiency, offers the most airtight, yet also sleaziest possible, alibi; nonexistence.