Back-File National Liar Headlines
Here are headlines and summaries for stories that the National Liar never got around to covering:
War on Chocolate
Vampires Evolve Resistance To Garlic
Government Issues $0 Bill
Monster Sports Scores
Childhood Alien Abduction Survivors
ATF invades alcohol-tobacco cult
Fundamentalists propose compromise with Satan
Rumors of Disney peddling subliminal Dollar signs
Robertson proposes censoring Bible as unsuitable for the young
Lord Baden-Powell, Founder of Boy Scouts,
Banned from Boy Scouts for Homosexuality
“Square Drug” Sweeps Nation:
New drug, invented by CIA, makes users rationalistic,
unimaginative, conformist, tense and conventional.
Suppreses artistic and mystical insight. Overdose causes
users to commit tax evasion, lobbying, downsizing and other
Federal Reserve proposes Communist Capitalism;
Achieving Leninist oppression and poverty by nominally free-market methods.
Reagan Double Presidency:
Hinkley’s bullet hit Reagan’s brain; a double was brought in;
the story was suppressed until now; the “Alzheimer’s” was a
cover for brain damage.
Intelligent dinos cloned: they like obsolescent things like big cars, command economies, vacuum tubes, sexism, smokestack industries.