National Liar Auto-Smear
In a stunning and spectacular announcement to all major print and video news networks, National Liar personnel have categorically denied all truth to certain absurd rumors about them. They all declare that they have never been guilty, or even accused, of the following crimes:
SRS, for selling Coca-Cola’s secret formula to the Illuminati;
NH, for lewd public sex with an extraterrestrial;
EB, for embezzling 3.5 billion dollars from Elvis Presley;
M-A, for Bermuda Triangle money laundering.
“We’d never do these things,” they declared in a joint announcement, “In fact, they aren’t even physically possible. And we’d certainly never claim to do all that, just to draw attention to the National Liar. In fact, if it were just for cheap sleazy publicity, then we’d never even deny doing these things.”
This is not a publicity stunt!