The Ethical Horndog
Once upon a time two Horndogs quested for female dogs. Their tastes in females were similar - namely, many - but their methods differed, as did their fates.
The Horndog with long sleek silver fur was a Liberal. He based his Horndog Philosophy upon Consent. He believed in a free press, for the pictures in his Horndog Magazine; and in free speech, for the articles in his magazine; and in love that’s free, but not for free. He also believed in equal rights for dogs of all breeds and fur colors.
The Silver Horndog got Consent from a thousand beautiful female dogs, of all breeds and fur colors. His friend, a Horndog with short thick black fur, asked him, “How do you get so many bunnies?” He replied, “Because I don’t call them bunnies, I call them bitches. Show respect.”
The Silver Horndog called himself a Gentledog, and a Gentledog repays his debts. So he got his thousand playdogs gainful employment in dog acting and dog modelling. When they left him, they had jobs with income. Thus the Silver Horndog obtained a thousand Consents.
The Black Horndog wasn’t a starmaker, he was only a star. He could pay only with money, not income. That was expensive, so in the end he found it cheaper and easier to skip the Consent step of his seductions. Instead he relied upon magic potions and intimidating lawyers. This trick worked, until one day it didn’t. More than four dozen female dogs came forth to bay at him. They sicced lawyers on him, and he spent the rest of his life pursued by lawsuits.
The Silver Horndog died old and rich and untroubled by the law. His one regret was that he never found his soulmate. But few do.
Moral: Income is better than money.
Comment: From a dog to a dog, the word ‘bitch’ is respectful. Respect is relative.
This Underfable is gross and offensive and inappropriate. My only defense is that I seek realism in my fables, and reality itself is gross and offensive and inappropriate.