Wednesday, December 12, 2012

From the Liar: Gossip's Grammar

 From the Annals of “The National Liar”:

         Gossip's Grammar

         Declining Nouns:

I watch video; you watch TV; he watches the boob tube.
I see the cinema; you see the movies; he sees the flicks.
I read literature; you read books; he reads texts.
I read erotica; you read pornography; he reads sleaze.
I eat cuisine; you eat food; he eats grub.
I write epistles; you write letters; he writes memos.
I drive a sedan; you drive a large car; he drives a gas-guzzler.
I drive an import sedan; you drive a Japanese car;
         he drives a rice-burner.
I am an attorney; you are a lawyer; he is a shyster.
I am a scholar; you are a student; he is a pupil.
I am a professor; you are a teacher; he is a pedant.
I am a patriot; you are a citizen; he is a scoundrel.
I am a statesman; you are a politician; he is a crook.

         Irregular Verbs:

I feast; you eat; he gorges.
I inbibe; you drink; he swills.
I struggle; you fight; he attacks.
I withdraw; you retreat; he flees.
I negotiate; you compromise; he sells out.
I inquire; you ask; he pries.
I research; you study; he crams.    
I review; you read; he skims.
I distribute; you sell; he hucksters.
I acquire; you purchase; he purloins.
I invest; you spend; he squanders.

         Inflected Adjectives:

I am reasonable; you are flexible; he is spineless.
I am principled; you are firm; he is stubborn.
I am ingenious; you are clever; he is devious.
I am honest; you are direct; he is simple.
I am chaste; you are single; he is repressed.
I am erotic; you are sexy; he is lewd.
I am indigent; you are poor; he is dirt poor.
I am prosperous; you are rich; he is filthy rich.

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