Tuesday, January 19, 2016

Education, an Underfable



          Education
         
          Once upon a time, a Chancellor told an adjunct that the College of San Hemlock is a business, selling a product to a customer.
          The adjunct said, “Then what is the product? And who is the customer? And where am I in this business?”
          The Chancellor said, “The product is knowledge, you are the distributor, and the student is the customer.”
          The adjunct later repeated all this to a student, then said, “The customer is king. Are you king?”
          The student said, “No, my student loan officer is king and customer. The Chancellor is the distributor; I am the product; and you are the human resources expended on manufacturing the product.”
          The adjunct later told all this to a secretary. The secretary said, “What a clever student!”
          The adjunct said, “The College of San Hemlock is educational despite itself.”

          Moral: Words preach, actions teach.

Monday, January 18, 2016

Cosmic Riddles



      Cosmic Riddles

          Q: Which came first, dawn or dusk?
          A: A circle has no beginning.

          Q: In an instant, how fast is an arrow?
          A: It flies at every speed.

          Q: Why is night dark?
          A: Because the universe is expanding.

          Q: What is the speed of darkness?
          A: The same as the speed of light.
          Q: But what is the speed of light?
          A: The same for everybody.

          Q: Is light a wave or a particle?
          A: That depends on how you look at it.
         
          Q: How did the cat cross the lawn?
          A: By a sum over every path.

Q: When did the wind shift?
          A: When a butterfly flapped its wings.

          Q: Why did the apple fall?
          A: Because space-time is curved.

          Q: Why don’t I fall through the floor?
          A: Because electrons have spin one-half.

          Q: Why doesn’t the Earth stop turning?
          A: Because to physics, all directions are alike.

          Q: Why doesn’t the sun go out?
A: Because to physics, all times are alike.

Q: Why doesn’t the moon fall from the sky?
A: Because to physics, all places are alike.

          Q: Why don’t rivers run backwards?
          A: Because you can’t unscramble an egg.
          Q: Then why can’t you unscramble an egg?
          A: Because rivers don’t run backwards.

          Q: Is there intelligent life in the universe?
          A: How would you know?