Wednesday, June 30, 2021

3 nerd snarks

3 nerd snarks


Trek nerdliness: light bulb jokes


How many _____s does it take to change a light bulb?

Klingons:          Klingons do not change light bulbs.

Betazoids:        One, but only if the light bulb wants to change.

Androids:          Two. One to change the light bulb, and one not to.

Computers:       That is a hardware problem.

Vulcans:            One.

Romulans:        Who knows?

Nanites:            6 * 10^23

Binars:              2 to the power n.

Qs:                    One: he holds the bulb and the universe revolves around him.

Holograms:      Holograms are light bulbs.

Clones:            How many do you want?

Trills:                One or two, depending on how you count.

Cardassians:    Four light bulbs or five?

Bajorans:         We haven't had light bulbs on Bajor for years.

Shapeshifters:  Two. One to remove the old bulb, and the other to be the new bulb.


Humans:          Two. One to say, "change that light bulb!" and the other one to change the light bulb.

Borgs:              All of them!



Trek nerdliness: Ro Laran vs Kira Neryss


Ro Laran:


Is wracked by shame and guilt over the bad things they did to her

Justifies herself by the crimes she committed

Loves her dead daddy

When she plays the whore, she gets screwed

Will double-cross even Captain Picard


Pretty, except for the mole



Despises herself




A lovely, fragile, delicate flower



Kira Neryss:


Is wracked by shame and guilt over the bad things she did to them

Justifies herself by the crimes she survived

Loves the next Kai

When she plays the whore, he gets screwed

Will protect even Doctor Bashir


Plain, except for the red hair



Adores herself




A bod that just won't quit





B5 nerdliness: Why I miss the Shadows and the Vorlons


I miss the Shadows because...

... agents of Chaos sure know how to party

... who else would give a loser like Londo his big break?

... they don't need modems

... they fly around in giant screaming spiders

... their cuss-words are 10,000 letters long

... they're the brightest bugs in the galaxy

... Morden was kinda cute

... they're competitors

... the Shadow War gave my life meaning and direction

... a thousand years from now, who will destroy civilization?

... fighting them made us stronger

... Psi-Corp is my friend

... invisibility looks good on them

... who knows what they really want?

... they're easy to fool

... when they blow up a planet, it's really scary!

... they remind me of my ex

... they'll give you what you want

... I'm a sadist


I miss the Vorlons because...

... being a Lord of Order means never having to say you're sorry

... they found a use for Jack the Ripper

... they don't need lightbulbs

... they fly around in giant singing garlic cloves

... fortune cookies sound dull and obvious by comparison

... the suit makes the Vorlon

... they're an evolutionary dead-end

... they are ALL Kosh

... who will sponsor Valen when he comes back?

... they do a great angel impression

... now who will nag me to clean my room?

... everyone wants to see them naked

... who knows who they really are?

... they're easy to guilt-trip

... blowing up planets hurts them more than it hurts us

... they remind me of my Dad

... they have always been here

... I'm a masochist


Tuesday, June 29, 2021

On the Paint Job

 On the Paint Job



Human civilization is a dialog between tribalism and universalism. Part of the trouble with tribalism is that tribal identity is largely illusory, and its arbitrary definitions are cynically manipulated by power elites, to control the uncritical. This has been well understood for a long time.


One of the more pernicious identity-illusions is race. The genetic science is clear: race is skin-deep. DNA differences within any so-called race are generally far greater than differences between alleged races. This science is intellectually disruptive; but for political disruption, try technology. I therefore invite you to imagine this future technology: germ-line skin-tint re-editing, a.k.a. the Paint Job.


Here’s the Paint Job’s salespitch:


“Dear future parents of color: have you been stalked by guards in department stores? Are you constantly pulled over? Do you fear for your life when a policeman looks at you? Have you been denied loans, schools, homes and jobs at first sight? If you have, and if you want a better life for your children, then have we got a cure for you! Just one injection of our patented Paint JobTM  serum, and all of your children will be so white and blonde and blue-eyed that you’ll never have to give them the Talk!”


I predict that the Paint Job will be genetic engineering’s killer app; simple, cheap, safe, but with high demand in a massive market. Racial identity-jihadists will object to this erasure of the very concept of race, but the corporations will smell money.


To see the inevitable result, read “The Sneetches” by Dr. Seuss:


Monday, June 28, 2021

She be flying free


Today I leave my daughter Hannah at the airport. From there she will fly to Portland, Oregon; awaiting her there are an apartment, a job, and a partner. I am of mixed feelings about this; a bit of sadness to see her leave, much joy in her launch into young-adult independence. Feelings this mixed are well expressed in song, so I have composed the following, copied from Harry Belafonte’s “Jamaica Farewell”, which I shall sing to her before she leaves:


So I’m glad to say that you’re on your way

Though you won’t be back for many a day

My heart is down, my head is turning around

My grown-up girl, she be flying free to Portland town!