The Aetherion
A Futuristic Folly
For maximum crackpot fun, let’s put several futuristic follies together, thus:
The Aetherion is a flying car that levitates via an EmDrive powered by cold fusion. Its carbon nanotube wires superconduct, and it is controlled by an AGI running on a quantum computer. It carries a bipedal robot chauffeur and a VR gaming system. It is made by an anarchocapitalist seastead which accepts crypto.
The Principle of Kozmic Kewlness
The same generation of physicists, and some of the same individuals, were responsible for both the Big Bang theory and the atomic bomb. I consider this to be an instance of a rule: that scientists tend to see the universe as resembling an impressive feature of human society at the time.
Thus the Great Chain of Being during the monarchistic medieval period; the Clockwork Universe during the runup to industrialization, and Inflationary Theory during a time of guess what. I call this the “Principle of Kozmic Kewlness”.
From the Principle of Kozmic Kewlness I predict that the next cosmological paradigm will be that the universe is a quantum computation that recycles.
Juno 3Z5
I speculate that eventually some corporation shall appoint a sex-doll robot, programmed with an Ai, as its CEO. This will attain a simulation of full personhood from three simulated one-third-personhoods.
Of course the resulting entity will land smack in the middle of the Uncanny Valley, and not seem even slightly human. It would be an 'alien', in Campbell's sense: a being that thinks as well as a human but not like a human.
I think this would make an astounding science fiction trope. I offer it for free.
I also think that we are living in a science-fictional century, with brilliant special effects, some interesting ideas, and idiot plotting. The sex-doll AI robot CEO combines these features, so I speculate that it will come to be.
It will, of course, speak wooden dialog.
From the Annals of “The National Liar”:
Sunblocks Ranked
Ranking types of sunblock, in increasing order of effectiveness:
rating 0: A bottle full of chemical goop.
rating 1: loose-fitting, cool, all-covering clothes
rating 2: shade tree or shade forest
rating 3: overcast weather
rating 4: a floor, 4 walls, and a ceiling
rating 5: winter
rating 6: night
Said Bot to Man:
“You low slow slob!
Beware my plan:
I’ll take your job!”
Said Man to Bot:
“You silly twit!
For you have caught
A crock of shit!”
Back-File Ends of the World
Every issue of the “National Liar” reports the end of the world. That report is always on the front page, and it is always the second most important story. The National Liar has destroyed the world many different ways; by solar nova, asteroid impact, nuclear war, black hole absorption, and Judgement Day. The end is always sudden and complete; yet it never seems to have any noticeable effect on the average person’s everyday life.
Here are some ends of the world that the National Liar never got around to during its print run:
Lethal Pandemic - Homo Sapiens Extinct
Black Hole - Earth Absorbed
Ecological Collapse - Vertebrates Succumb
Alien Invasion - Mankind Exterminated
Viral Warfare - All Mammals Die
Cthulhu Returns - Sacrifices World
Earth-Moon Collision - Planet Shattered
Global Quake - Continents Sink
Earth Ejected From Solar System
Earth Falls Into Sun
Neutrino Beam Mishap Extinguishes Sun
Big Crunch - Cosmos Implodes
False Vacuum Decays
Back-File National Liar Headlines
Here are headlines and summaries for stories that the National Liar never got around to covering:
War on Chocolate
Vampires Evolve Resistance To Garlic
Government Issues $0 Bill
Monster Sports Scores
Childhood Alien Abduction Survivors
ATF invades alcohol-tobacco cult
Fundamentalists propose compromise with Satan
Rumors of Disney peddling subliminal Dollar signs
Robertson proposes censoring Bible as unsuitable for the young
Lord Baden-Powell, Founder of Boy Scouts,
Banned from Boy Scouts for Homosexuality
“Square Drug” Sweeps Nation:
New drug, invented by CIA, makes users rationalistic,
unimaginative, conformist, tense and conventional.
Suppreses artistic and mystical insight. Overdose causes
users to commit tax evasion, lobbying, downsizing and other
atrocities.
Federal Reserve proposes Communist Capitalism;
Achieving Leninist oppression and poverty by nominally free-market methods.
Reagan Double Presidency:
Hinkley’s bullet hit Reagan’s brain; a double was brought in;
the story was suppressed until now; the “Alzheimer’s” was a
cover for brain damage.
Dinosaurs Return:
Intelligent dinos cloned: they like obsolescent things like big cars, command economies, vacuum tubes, sexism, smokestack industries.
