3 nerd snarks

3 nerd snarks

 

Trek nerdliness: light bulb jokes

 

How many _____s does it take to change a light bulb?

Klingons:          Klingons do not change light bulbs.

Betazoids:        One, but only if the light bulb wants to change.

Androids:          Two. One to change the light bulb, and one not to.

Computers:       That is a hardware problem.

Vulcans:            One.

Romulans:        Who knows?

Nanites:            6 * 10^23

Binars:              2 to the power n.

Qs:                    One: he holds the bulb and the universe revolves around him.

Holograms:      Holograms are light bulbs.

Clones:            How many do you want?

Trills:                One or two, depending on how you count.

Cardassians:    Four light bulbs or five?

Bajorans:         We haven't had light bulbs on Bajor for years.

Shapeshifters:  Two. One to remove the old bulb, and the other to be the new bulb.

 

Humans:          Two. One to say, "change that light bulb!" and the other one to change the light bulb.

Borgs:              All of them!

 

 

Trek nerdliness: Ro Laran vs Kira Neryss

 

Ro Laran:

 

Is wracked by shame and guilt over the bad things they did to her

Justifies herself by the crimes she committed

Loves her dead daddy

When she plays the whore, she gets screwed

Will double-cross even Captain Picard

Ectomorph

Pretty, except for the mole

Clever

Dangerous

Despises herself

Vulnerable

Needy

Unpredictable

A lovely, fragile, delicate flower

Victim

 

Kira Neryss:

 

Is wracked by shame and guilt over the bad things she did to them

Justifies herself by the crimes she survived

Loves the next Kai

When she plays the whore, he gets screwed

Will protect even Doctor Bashir

Mesomorph

Plain, except for the red hair

Competent

Courageous

Adores herself

Strong

Passionate

Indominable

A bod that just won't quit

Victor

 

***********

 

B5 nerdliness: Why I miss the Shadows and the Vorlons

 

I miss the Shadows because...

... agents of Chaos sure know how to party

... who else would give a loser like Londo his big break?

... they don't need modems

... they fly around in giant screaming spiders

... their cuss-words are 10,000 letters long

... they're the brightest bugs in the galaxy

... Morden was kinda cute

... they're competitors

... the Shadow War gave my life meaning and direction

... a thousand years from now, who will destroy civilization?

... fighting them made us stronger

... Psi-Corp is my friend

... invisibility looks good on them

... who knows what they really want?

... they're easy to fool

... when they blow up a planet, it's really scary!

... they remind me of my ex

... they'll give you what you want

... I'm a sadist

 

I miss the Vorlons because...

... being a Lord of Order means never having to say you're sorry

... they found a use for Jack the Ripper

... they don't need lightbulbs

... they fly around in giant singing garlic cloves

... fortune cookies sound dull and obvious by comparison

... the suit makes the Vorlon

... they're an evolutionary dead-end

... they are ALL Kosh

... who will sponsor Valen when he comes back?

... they do a great angel impression

... now who will nag me to clean my room?

... everyone wants to see them naked

... who knows who they really are?

... they're easy to guilt-trip

... blowing up planets hurts them more than it hurts us

... they remind me of my Dad

... they have always been here

... I'm a masochist