Tuesday, March 22, 2016

Malware, an Underfable



          Malware

          Once upon a time a Wizard lit up his crystal ball, only to discover that all of his spells had been translated into Enochian. A Demon appeared in the ball and said, “Ha, ha! Sacrifice a goat to me or you’ll never read your spells again!”
          “But Cryptovirus,” the Wizard said to the Demon, “You use a Royally-approved cipher.”
          Cryptovirus said, “What of it?”
          “The King’s cipher is corrupted,” said the Wizard.
“What of that? You aren’t a King’s man!”
“But I paid one.” He waved an amulet in front of the crystal ball, and made a mystic pass of the hands. He peered into the ball and smiled. “Backdoor activated. Spells decoded. Activate security scan.”
          A Guardian Angel appeared on the crystal ball. It said, “One threat detected. Quarantine or delete?”
          “Delete.”
          Cryptovirus said, “NOOOOOooooo…”
          The Guardian Angel said, “All threats deleted.”
          The Wizard said, “Call Akashic Library. Inform them of latest cryptovirus.” The crystal ball displayed a wait wheel; as it slowly spun, the Wizard drummed his fingers. He said into the air, “A corrupted cryptovirus! What’s this world coming to?”

          Moral: There is no honor among thieves.

Monday, March 21, 2016

Lucid Myths, an Underfable



          Lucid Myths

          Once upon a time the Easter Bunny stood up and addressed the Lucid Myths support group. The Bunny said, “Hi! I’m the Easter Bunny, and I don’t exist!”
          The others said “Hi!”
          The Easter Bunny said, “When I found out that I’m imaginary, I was devastated. I, an illusion? I thought I was a nature spirit! Almost a god! But really I’m a fictional character? How depressing!”
          The Tooth Fairy said, “Hey, I’ve been there!”
          The Easter Bunny said, “But eventually I learned how to cope. For I am shy by nature; nonexistence suits me. What can hurt what isn’t there? I call it the Emily Dickinson Defense; I’m nobody too!”
          “That’s a good defense,” said Santa. “But there’s more. You do seem to exist awhile, right? To the children? And then you stop?”
          “Well, yes, they outgrow me. It’s so sad…”
          “Why be sad?” said the Tooth Fairy. “They’re supposed to outgrow you! Be glad you’re part of the childhood initiation ritual!”
          The Easter Bunny said, “Initiation? Into what?”
          The Tooth Fairy said, “Skepticism!”
          Santa said, “Oh, ho ho, didn’t you know? That’s what we’re for!”
          The Tooth Fairy said, “We’re a kind of vaccine against gullibility. A warning to the kiddies; don’t believe everything you hear.”
          Santa said, “In the very act of vanishing, we give them our most generous gift of all: sales resistance!”
          The Easter Bunny said, “So are we sacrifices? Jokes? Symbols of absurdity? Instructive failures? Traitors to the gods?”
          Santa said, “A little bit of each, actually. We replicate from mind to mind not by belief, but by disillusionment.”
          The Tooth Fairy said, “We don’t need to exist!”
          “I see,” said the Easter Bunny. “Then… I don’t have to hide...”
          The Bunny wept, and Santa cried, “Group hug!”

          Moral: At worst, you can serve as a bad example.

Friday, March 18, 2016

Time



          Time
          (to Zeno)

The second hand makes no fuss
As it glides from one to impossible two.
Outside, traffic rushes
People walk and birds fly
And no-one notices.
It’s already over
And it isn’t yet
And it’s always now.
I can’t avoid this gentle wonder
As the second hand quietly glides
From three to impossible four.