The Seeking of the Gnarl
(With respect to Lewis Carroll.)
“Just the site for a Gnarl!” the Byteman said
as he signalled his e-mates with glee;
“So let’s download the Gnarl! We’ll soon have it read
into Java and Pascal and C!”
“So Seek Ye The Gnarl! I know that it’s near;
we’ll download it quick as a waltz.
If I’m not mistaken, a Gnarl is near;
for if not, then this sentence is false!”
The staff was complete; a Bishop, a Boss,
a Builder of Pentagon Bombs;
a Bureaucrat, present to guard against loss;
and a Broker, to value their bonds.
A Basketball Player, whose height was immense
might perhaps have earned more than his share;
but a Banker, engaged at enormous expense
had all their e-cash in his care.
There was also a Bluebird who managed a cache
and would not (as they say) have a cow;
who had often (said Byteman) prevented a crash
though none of the hackers knew how.
****
They web-surfed with symbols, they up-linked with care;
they scanned every path, link and node;
they sullied its Slack with a Microsoft share;
they charmed it with guile and code.
****
“A dear guru of mine, whom I found on the line
once informed me, on hearing my plan,
‘If your Gnarl be a Gnarl, that is fine, Bobby mine
even though you still work for the Man.’
‘You may serve it as dreams, or as alternate baits;
You can keep any cash it collects;
It’ll make a great profit at interest rates,
and it’s handy for special effects.’
‘But O, beamish Bobby, beware of the day
that your Gnarl be buggy! for then
your files will quietly vanish away
and never be accessed again!’
“So Bytemeister, now that the Gnarl is near
I think of what ‘Bob’ himself said;
the Pipe-Smoker’s warning resounds in my ear;
it is this, it is this, that I dread!”
****
They web-surfed with symbols, they up-linked with care;
they scanned every path, link and node;
they sullied its Slack with a Microsoft share;
they charmed it with guile and code.
****
“If I’m not mistaken, then that is a glitch!”
said Bureaucrat, eager and proud;
“Which proves it exists! There’s no other way which
I could utter that sentence aloud.”
The Bishop brought paper, portfolios, pens
and ink in unending supplies
to Bureaucrat, that he might, right there and then
go prove it to skeptical eyes.
“If I’m not mistaken, then that is a glitch!
A statement tremendous, though trite;
It forces the glitch through a binary switch,
for either it’s wrong, or it’s right!”
“And if it is wrong then (do not think too long)
it is right, though the glitch isn’t there;
so if it is wrong, then it’s right! By this prong
we conclude it is right; so I swear.”
“But since it is right, then it shows us the light
when it says it implies there’s a glitch;
and since it is right, we conclude it has might;
so the argument ends without hitch.”
“ ‘If I’m not mistaken, then that is a glitch’
creates one as quick as a waltz.
This sentence implies that there must be a glitch;
for if not, then this sentence is false!”
The Bishop replied with a delicate snore
more eloquent even than tears
that the Bureaucrat taught him of Logic far more
than the Bishop had thought of in years!
****
They web-surfed with symbols, they up-linked with care;
they scanned every path, link and node;
they sullied its Slack with a Microsoft share;
they charmed it with guile and code.
****
“It’s a Gnarl!” then suddenly flashed on their screens;
and they shouted to give him a hug;
then all of their cheering transformed into screams
when the Bobbie transmitted, “It’s bug - ”
Then, bluescreen. Some fancied they found on the Net
a weary and wandering sign
translating to “ - gy!”, but the others would bet
that it only was noise on the line.
They net-surfed ‘til morning came on, but they found
neither URL, nor gibber, nor snarl
by which they could access and gaze on the site
where the Bobbie downloaded the Gnarl.
In the midst of the GIF he was trying to save
in the midst of his pressing a key
his files all quietly vanished away...
for the Gnarl was buggy, you see!
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