Physically Impossible Advice

Physically Impossible Advice

 

The phrase “pull yourself up by your own bootstraps” annoys me. It’s physically impossible, because of the law of conservation of momentum. What’s worse, that stupid meme started out as a joke. How arrogant and disrespectful, for the rich to offer, in jest, a physical impossibility as advice to the poor!

I am also annoyed by the demand to “turn the clock back”: another physical impossibility, due to the second law of thermodynamics. Time is one-way! The moment the clock hits 12:01 pm, then the only way back to noon is through evening, midnight, and morning.

And as for “the magic of the marketplace”; its main magic trick is to make your money... disappear. 

Those who offer physical impossibilities as advice should show the rest of us how, by doing something anatomically impossible!

If you know other physically impossibilities offered as fake advice, then please let me know. I would like to weave as many of them as possible into a single absurd paragraph, just to see the result. For instance:

 

May the magic of the marketplace summon the invisible hand! And may that hand turn the clock back to when you could pull yourself up by your own bootstraps!