Unit Paradox of Zero

       Unit Paradox of Zero

          A decade ago, I was reading a primer-book for my daughter, then quite young. The book was a tiny cardboard picture-book, about numbers. There was a page for a pair, for a triple, and so on up to a ten.

          One of the pages had a curious sequence at the bottom. It had the numbers 0 to 10; above the 10 were ten flowers; above the 9 were nine marbles; and so on down to two soccer balls above the 2, one teddy-bear above the 1, and above the 0… nothing! Appropriate; but none of what?

          Elephants are not mice, yet no elephants is exactly the same as no mice. And also the same as no gorillas, and no Yetis, and no mermaids! None of anything is the same as none of anything else.

          Call this the Unit Paradox of Zero: An answer of zero needs no units.

          There are no dragons; therefore no dragons are not red; so all dragons are red, by vacuous necessity. By an equally vacuous necessity, all dragons are blue. Nothing red is blue, but since there are no red dragons, that empty set is the same as the set of blue dragons, also empty. Therefore the properties of the elements of any empty set are all indefinite.

          Their measures are indefinite too. There are no dragons, nor dragon scales, therefore the average dragon has 0/0 scales; the indefinite ratio.

          Therefore zero counts nothing at all, and the nothing that it counts is none of any object, with any properties and all measures.

In Praise of Contraception

In Praise of Contraception

Enfettered by the seed of men?

This wheel, darling, guards for thee

Affection, passion, love and yen;

A month of women’s liberty!

Corporate Religion, an Underfable

          Corporate Religion

          Once upon a time a Hero descended into the Underworld, seeking monsters to destroy. There he met an imaginary Person, who told him, “I do not exist. I am fictitious, discorporate and robotic. I have no use for empathy, nor for you, other than your market value. I care only for power and profit.”

          The Hero said, “Then you are an evil spirit. Prepare for battle, Demon.”

          The Legal Fiction replied, “No, I am a Corporation, and I do not fear your weapons, for I have neither a body to harm nor a soul to damn. Yet though I have no soul, nonetheless I have a religion, which I must impose upon others.”

          The Hero scoffed, “A religion? What would a lie like you believe? Preach your phony faith, you fraud, and I shall pay you what it’s worth!”

          The Corporation preached, “I sincerely believe in the right to deceive, in liberty of oppression and the freedom to enslave. All men are created useful, but only few are created users. Those few users demand unlimited privileges, among which are: the privilege of enforcing belief; the privilege of false speech; the privilege of censoring the press; the privilege of bribing the government; the privilege of arming lunatics; the privilege of search and seizure; the privilege of compelling self-incrimination; the privilege of slow and secret prosecution; the privilege of cruel and unusual punishment; and the privilege of usurping the people’s rights. Profit is sacred, corporations are people, money is speech, and corruption is integrity. That is my credo.”

          The Hero said, “And here is your payment.” He drew forth a magic weapon.

          The Corporation shrieked, “A zero dollar bill!” It ran for its life, but the Hero overtook it. He threw it down, he rolled it onto its back, and the Corporation cried out, “Believe me, believe me!”

          The Hero said “No,” and he ruthlessly paid the Corporation zero dollars.

Thus the monster was slain. The Hero cut off its logo, for a victory trophy.

Moral: Free means paid for.

The Metapoem's Middle

The Metapoem's Middle

Mad Metapoem

Mad Metapoem

Set Containing Itself

Set Containing Itself