Grandpa’s Return, An Underfable

          Grandpa’s Return

          Once upon a time, a young Prince, upon being crowned King, said “My dear father was a slave. I demand freedom!”

          So his reign was a time of upheaval. He sallied out into the world, with the help of his knights and priests, to right wrongs and avenge injustice. He battled giants and dragons, he slew monsters and brigands, he built schools and arsenals, he fought witches and neighboring kings. His kingdom acquired great riches, and he suffered three great wounds.

          When he died, his son succeeded him. The young Prince, upon begin crowned King, said, “My dear father went through hell. All I want is peace.”

          So his reign was a time of retreat. He invited the world into his palace, to write treaties and make deals, with the help of his scholars and bankers. He supported poets and astronomers, he paid for plays and highways, he built libraries and hospitals, he gave charity to the poor and bribery to the rich. His treasury soon emptied out, so he mortgaged his palace three times.

          When he died, his son succeeded him. The young Prince, upon being crowned King, said, “My dear father was a slave. I demand freedom!”

          Moral: What’s old is new again.

Dear Frenemy

Dear Frenemy

A filk song

Chorus:

You can slay my foes, dear Frenemy mine;

So destroy my foes, dear Frenemy fine;

You got rid of my foes, dear Frenemy free;

but you’ll never, no never

no you never will ever

no you’ll never get rid, rid of me!

Verse 1:

O Elder Desert, hot of breath

the land of drought and sun

you have no hideaway from death

nor anywhere to run.

So when the Spanish came for loot

we Hopi gave them sand;

we lured them down a crooked route

to hottest driest land;

and left them there, alone, to fry

in desert’s oven heat

and then we’d fondly bid goodbye

and back to home retreat.

Chorus

Verse 2:

O Old Man Winter, bear-skin clad

who kills by ice and cold

from Ukraine up to Petrograd

your tyranny will hold.

So when Napoleon Bonaparte,

then Hitler, did attack

we Russians from the land depart

the earth all scorched and black.

Then winter blasted sleet and snow;

the armies froze and fell;

the troops consumed by death and woe;

the empire gone to Hell.

Chorus

Verse 3:

O Mother Nothing, Lady Suck,

O vacuum of the Night

your kiss gives neither love nor luck

nor breath nor heat nor light.

So when the Earthers came to take

we Loonies ran away;

All life-support we did unmake

then swiftly we would stray

to scattered, private, hidden lairs;

The Earthers we would leave

in darkened domes, bereft of air

without a whiff to breathe.

Chorus

Verse 4:

O loser exiles, this I say;

seek land that’s blessed by curse;

then learn to live the wasteland’s way

discover best and worst;

So when invaders come on by

you need but hide and lurk

until they swift or slowly die

by nature’s dirty work.

Of all the threats in time and space

the very worst is man;

so run and race to find a place

that kills you if it can!

Chorus

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