Cyptozooa
as Endangered Species
Cryptozooa are supposedly hidden species, unknown to
science. To be sure there are many real species as yet undiscovered, but
cryptozooa are the popular ones, the legendary creatures occasionally sighted,
but never confirmed.
I’m with the skeptics on this; extraordinary claims require
extraordinary evidence. I don’t care to pry into witness’s motives, sanity or
accuracy; just give me concrete proof. Until then, shrug.
Finding a coelocanth at a fish market suffices. So will
photos and videos. Fur and scat samples will do nicely, best of all is
capturing the beast alive. But being passionately convinced doesn’t count; you
could swear up and down it was Bigfoot you saw, but if the hair sample comes
back bear, then it was a bear.
I
grant that wild rare critters are elusive, for good reason; nonetheless, it’s
hard to hide a lake brachiosaur from sonar.
I
don’t recommend shooting Bigfoot as a zoological sample; what if he turns out,
on closer inspection, to be some crazy homeless guy you’ve just killed? And in
any case, cryptozooa are by definition rare; so I say they deserve protection
under the Endangered Species Act.
Cryptozooa are rare, and so deserve conservationist
protection; so you can’t take specimens of them, so you can’t prove they exist,
so you can’t prove that they deserve conservationist protection! That means Bigfoot and Nessie and
Champie and the Chubacabra and the Mokele Mbembe are covered by the Endangered
Species Act, but you can’t prove that they are!
And suppose that you did kill Bigfoot, then what do you do
with the body? Sell it to a museum? But then you’re liable under the Endangered
Species Act. Eat it? That’s almost cannibalism; you’ll get kuru. Hide it away? But
then why bother shooting it in the first place?
Thus
environmentalism protects legendary wildlife, even when unenforceable!
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