The Ethical Horndog
Once
upon a time two Horndogs quested for female dogs. Their tastes in females were
similar - namely, many - but their methods differed, as did their fates.
The
Horndog with long sleek silver fur was a Liberal. He based his Horndog
Philosophy upon Consent. He believed in a free press, for the pictures in his
Horndog Magazine; and in free speech, for the articles in his magazine; and in
love that’s free, but not for free.
He also believed in equal rights for dogs of all breeds and fur colors.
The
Silver Horndog got Consent from a thousand beautiful female dogs, of all breeds
and fur colors. His friend, a Horndog with short thick black fur, asked him,
“How do you get so many bunnies?” He replied, “Because I don’t call them bunnies, I call them bitches. Show respect.”
The
Silver Horndog called himself a Gentledog, and a Gentledog repays his debts. So
he got his thousand playdogs gainful employment in dog acting and dog
modelling. When they left him, they had jobs with income. Thus the Silver
Horndog obtained a thousand Consents.
The
Black Horndog wasn’t a starmaker, he was only a star. He could pay only with
money, not income. That was expensive, so in the end he found it cheaper and
easier to skip the Consent step of his seductions. Instead he relied upon magic
potions and intimidating lawyers. This trick worked, until one day it didn’t.
More than four dozen female dogs came forth to bay at him. They sicced lawyers
on him, and he spent the rest of his life pursued by lawsuits.
The
Silver Horndog died old and rich and untroubled by the law. His one regret was
that he never found his soulmate. But few do.
Moral: Income
is better than money.
Comment: From a dog to a dog, the word ‘bitch’ is respectful.
Respect is relative.
This
Underfable is gross and offensive and inappropriate. My only defense is that I
seek realism in my fables, and reality itself is gross and offensive and
inappropriate.
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