Tuesday, January 6, 2015

LGTBT with mayo on S.F. Sour

       LGTBT with mayo on S.F. Sour

          I have aesthetic objections to the acronym LGBT for lesbian-gay-bi-trans. Very ugly and impersonal. I recommend, in its place, “gender minorities”.
I decided to satirize that bureaucratic acronym; so my daughter and I went grocery shopping for these items:

Turkey Bacon
S.F. sourdough bread.

Once home we made sandwiches from these ingredients, plus mayonnaise. Thus we had some LGTBTs with mayo on S.F. Sourdough.
It was turkey bacon because my religion tells me not to eat pig, and my wife tells me not to eat mammal; and I would argue with Yahweh, or Sherri, each one alone, but please, not both together.
A pork-eater may have an LGBT, which is just an LBT with a clove of garlic chopped in.
          Well, it was delicious. The garlic clove gave it tang. (Our grey cat Katniss approached me while I ate, fascinated; I blew at her and she ran away.) Very filling; I had to nap afterwards. A success.
          I have reported this culinary innovation to others; one of whom insisted on the lengthier acronym LGTBTQQIA. (one T = Transvestite, Q = Queer, Q = Questioning, I = Intersex, A = Asexual.) But I’m not sure what ingredient’s for I; and such a Dagwood sandwich would be tiresome to make and messy to eat. So I retort that the “mayo” in an “LGTBT with mayo on SF Sourdough” stands for M, or Miscellaneous gender minorities.
          You are what you eat; and even though I am not a lettuce, nor a garlic, nor turkey bacon, nor a tomato, nor quinoia, nor quince, nor am I avocado, still I am a sour San Franciscan, so it’s fitting for me to eat it.

No comments:

Post a Comment