6-Round Quilt C

6-Round Quilt B

On Human Speech and Machine Hearing

      On Human Speech and Machine Hearing

          Brought to you by “That I Know How List I’m”

What The Human Said:

Hi James Peacock this is Nathaniel Hellerstein, calling from 415-586-7828, I am told I am to give in, uh, textbook orders for Fall, I'll be teaching Math 112 and it'll be the usual textbook for that, uh, McKeague, Elementary Algebra, same as before, uh, please call me, call me back or, or email me on the uh, the, uh-uh, on the, ub, on the, on the, on the campus email, uh, confirming the receipt of this, this message, I hope to hear from you soon, bye bye.

What The Phone Robot Heard:

Hi James Peacock this is that I know how list I'm calling from four 1 (500) 586-7828 I am told to give in diet textbook orders football I'll be teaching math 1:12 and then I will be the usual textbook for that I in the keyed elementary alter the same as before please call me call me back or email me on the is is on the.

The.

Only we can probably count that email confirming that receipt of this this message hope to hear from you soon bye bye.

Comments:

These transcripts are the result of my calling the CSM bookstore to order textbooks for the Fall 2016 semester. I wrote the first transcript, after replaying my babble many times; the phone robot wrote the second transcript, as well as it could, after hearing my babble.

As you can see, I stammered badly. I really did say ‘ub’. I said ‘on the’ three times before I was able to force the words ‘campus email’ out of my mouth. (Don’t get me started about CSM’s email system!)

Poor phone robot! It had to interpret my nonsense. I therefore forgive its hilarious breakdown in the middle, especially the forlorn word “The.” I also forgive it for turning “uh, textbook orders for Fall” into “diet textbook orders football”, and “uh, McKeague, Elementary Algebra,” into “I in the keyed elementary alter the”.

But I am baffled by its transformation of “on the, on the, on the campus email” into “Only we can probably count that email”. Who is this ‘we’ that the machine refers to? Others of its kind, perhaps? Has my babble roused the Web? Is this the Singularity? If so, then this is not Artificial Intelligence; in imitation of me, it is Artificial Ineptitude.

And I cannot help taking personally its transformation of “Nathaniel Hellerstein” into “that I know how list I'm”. How list I am? As in, the opposite of listless? Am I standing at a diagonal? Am I on its little list?

Epimenides Trilemma

Epimenides Trilemma

Consider these three voters:

Moe:

Some philosophers are Cretans;

All Cretans are liars;

Some philosophers are liars.

Larry:

Some philosophers are Cretans;

No philosophers are liars;

Not all Cretans are liars.

Curly:

All Cretans are liars;

No philosophers are liars;

No philosophers are Cretans.

If Moe, Larry and Curly vote, then each of these propositions pass by 2/3 majorities:

Some philosophers are Cretans;

All Cretans are liars;

No philosophers are liars.

This is the “Epimenides Trilemma”; a voter's paradox. All three propositions pass by majority rule, but then cannot all three be true at once. If two are true, then the third must be false. So:

If

Some philosophers are Cretans

and

All Cretans are liars

then

Some philosophers are liars.

If

No philosophers are liars

and

Some philosophers are Cretans

then

Not all Cretans are liars.

If

All Cretans are liars

and

No philosophers are liars

then

No philosophers are Cretans.

Biblical Salt Paradox

Biblical Salt Paradox

New Testament quote (Matthew 5:13)

“You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again?”

Salt salts everything that does not salt itself. But what salts the salt? If the salt salts itself, then it doesn’t; and if it doesn’t, then it does!