Friday, August 5, 2016

The Boggy Guitar, 5 of 5

          5. Out Of Line

          Rambo said, “An’ tanks, man! Tanks loads!” He shook Elvis’s hand.  “Ya made it clear, even to me, Rambo, what war is good fo’!”
          “What is it good fo’?”
          Nuttin’, man! Abslootlee nuttin’!
“Whah, Ah’m glad to reveal the truth to yew, son,” said Elvis while pulling his hand loose. He wiped that hand, and his sweaty forehead, with a silk embroidered handkerchief; then he said, “So won’t yew go?”
          Rambo said, “Hell no, I won’t go!”
          “Ah’m sayin’ yew gotta!”
          “I tink you guys is nuts!
          “Yew think Ah’m nuts? Well lemme tell yew this; just tell yo’ commandin’ officer what you tole me! Tell him yo’ visions! Tell him yo’ Lightinmint! Tell him yew don’t believe him! O’ me!”
          Rambo smiled. “Even afta ya toined inta da Prezzydent.”
          Elvis ranted, “Just tell yo’ commandin’ officer that yew won’t fight ‘cause the world ain’t real and life’s a dream!”
          Rambo said, “An’ dat evryting’s O.K.”
          “Just say yew gotta chance ta dah, but yew come back from Hevvin ‘cause yew felt sorry for us!”
          Rambo added, “An’ dat I loined all dis by sittin’ in front of a gook stachoo.”
          Elvis nodded. “ ’Cause if yew do, then Ah guarantee, sojer boy, that he’ll ship yew back to the States on a Section Eight so fast, it’ll make yo’ po’ hayud spin!”
          “Section Eight?!
          “Thass right, the sanity clause.”
          “Ain’t no sanity clause! Ya callin’ me nuts?”
          Elvis said, “No. To get down to brass nuts, boy, Ah’m sayin’ the brass is nuts. Thass whah they gonna call yew nuts.”
          Rambo said, “Oh! I geddit!” He scratched his head. “I tink.”
          Elvis said, “Just tell ’em what yew tole me, and Ah promise they’ll hustle yew straight home.”
          “Y’sure?” Rambo said worshipfully.
          “Or mah name ain’t Elvis Pelvis.”
          Rambo yelled, “Stuperstar!”
          Elvis smiled his usual half-sneer. He said, “Yew crazy lahk a fox.

          So Rambo took Elvis’s advice.
          And lo! Elvis’s prediction came true.

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