Why No Paid Weapons Church?

     Why No Paid Weapons Church?

         

In another essay I asked why there are no churches that hire their worshippers. Now I ask why there are no churches that worship weapons.

By this I do not mean worship of Mars or other war gods; I mean worship of the weapons themselves, with their godlike power of dealing death. Put a rifle over the altar, burn incense to a katana, and display other deadly holy relics. The stained glass is mostly red, everyone is armed, and every sermon is about the divinity of weapons. It can claim protection under First and Second Amendments!

          This would work as a paid-worship church. The devout walk in, punch their time card, then chant, dance, speak in tongues, etc.; then punch out their time card and go home; and every second week get paid.

          The worshippers don’t pay, they get paid. Technically, this makes the worshippers prostitutes; an accusation they embrace. "You sheep get shorn, but we bitches get paid." In a sense, then, paid worship is a more honest system than the usual.

          Attendance will be good, but where does the money really come from? The paid-worship church will credit its god. The check cleared; it's a miracle! The real sources will include untaxed charity, plutocratic ego, tax-supported welfarism, video and art sales... and laundering dirty money. The last is where the big bux are, and the hardest to prove.

          Which brings me to the weapons church. This fits shady dealings like jelly fits peanut butter. Paid-worship might work; make it a weapons church, and it'll work even better. Any combination of church, state and market this toxic is bound to be a huge success.

So I think this can work, at least in a fiction story. Maybe a noir detective tale; our hero investigates the Church of Coyote, and shocking truths are revealed. Hmm...