Death Loves Uncle Sam

           Death Loves Uncle Sam

 

          Scene: a park bench. UNCLE SAM sits, waiting. DEATH walks up and sits at the other end of the bench.

 

Death: … hi…

Uncle Sam:  You!

Death: … yes, me…

Uncle Sam: It was you who left all those notes!

Death (nodding): ‘… from your secret admirer…’

Uncle Sam: And those bouquets of withered roses!

Death: … yes…

Uncle Sam: And that candy box! With a dozen decapitated mice!

Death: … you remember…

Uncle Sam: I’ll never forget!

Death: … it’s the thought that counts…

Uncle Sam: And now you’ve called me here and shown me who you are. Why?

Death: … fear not…

Uncle Sam: I am not afraid of you!

Death: … i know… that’s what attracts me to you… but i am not here on business… my reasons are personal…

Uncle Sam: What do you want?

Death: … to confess…

Uncle Sam: Confess what?

Death: … my love…

Uncle Sam: For what?

Death: … for you…

Uncle Sam (leaps to his feet): What?!

Death: … i love you… i adore you… i dream of you…

Uncle Sam: Me?!

Death: … in vain have i struggled… it will not do… my feelings will not be repressed… you must allow me to tell you how ardently i admire and love you…

Uncle Sam: How dare you!

Death: … i speak from my heart…

Uncle Sam: You have no heart!

Death: … nor have you… that too attracts me to you…

Uncle Sam: This is harassment! It’s inappropriate!

Death: … you’re special to me… you’re exceptional…

Uncle Sam: I bet you say that to all the empires! What am I, just another trophy? I feel so objectified!

Death: … you mean so much to me … i yearn to be close to you…

Uncle Sam: Back off! I’m warning you, I’ll resist!

Death: … forgive me… i will not force you… i love you…

Uncle Sam (trembling, sits back down): So you… want me.

Death: … yes…

Uncle Sam: I’m too young for this! I’m too nice for this! I’m too ME for this! When?

Death: … soon…

Uncle Sam: Soon when? Years? Decades? Centuries? Millennia?

Death: … i don’t know… time doesn’t work for me like that… time doesn’t work for me at all… i can only say soon…

Uncle Sam: Do I have any choice in this?

Death: … i will not force you… if you wish then you can always go back to your goddess…

Uncle Sam: Lady Liberty…

Death: … you always said it was her or me… well here i am…

Uncle Sam: To do what?

Death: i will court you… i will write you poems… i will sing you songs… i will give you gifts… for i love you… as you love me…

Uncle Sam (jumping back to his feet): What?!

Death: … you love me… i know you do…

Uncle Sam: That’s impossible!

Death: … search your feelings… you know it’s true…

Uncle Sam: NOOOOOOO!

Death: … one day you will be mine… willingly… joyfully…

Uncle Sam: I’M NOT READY!  (runs away)

Death: … take your time… i can wait…