Why Conservatives Destroy

 

          Dear reader:

          A quarter-century ago, I worked at Lincoln University, a small college. There I, the English professor, and others put out a satirical newsletter called “The National Liar”. In its April 1, 1995 edition, I published the following Discreditorial. I meant to snark, not accidentally prophesize; so don’t blame me, it’s reality that’s absurd.

 

**********************

 

          Why Conservatives Destroy

 

          Dear reader, please consider the following story, one which could be told of many places – including your home town.

          Our tale begins with the city prosperous but perplexed. Though most people work and save, some do not; thought most neighborhoods are clean and safe, some are not; though most people are happy and healthy, some are not. Though the city is a success, it is haunted by the shadow of failure.

          The people contemplate the paradox of poverty within wealth, and decide that something must be done. In response to popular protest, politicians promise radical change. Self-proclaimed revolutionaries are swept into office.

          Time passes; policies change, society adapts. At the end of the revolution, what do we see?

          Disaster! Mass affluence turns into mass poverty; wages fall, prices rise, and jobs vanish; debts increase exponentially; private luxury defeats the general welfare; crime rises despite draconian police power; rights become privileges; government power expands along with social chaos; corruption dishonors public service; pious charlatans exploit poverty and ignorance; urban violence terrorizes ethnic minorities; bigots spew hatred and sedition; prisons overflow; brutality replaces civility; wars and riots erupt; homeless indigents sleep on fetid streets; and deadly plagues spread unchecked.

          Compare Before with After: is it not clear that the revolution had failed? That instead of improving life, the revolutionaries made life far worse? Instead of order, they brought chaos; instead of wealth, poverty; instead of freedom, slavery; and instead of peace, war. Isn’t it clear that they came not as saviors but as destroyers?

          And isn’t it strange when radical ideologues responsible for such destruction call themselves (of all things!) conservative? (Or even neo-conservative!) For what human values do they actually conserve? The plain fact is; conservatives destroy. Their favorite social safety net is prison; their favorite cultural agenda is censorship; their favorite economic plan is exploitation; and their favorite foreign policy is war.

          The question I put to you, dear readers, is:

          Why do conservatives destroy?

          We here at the National Liar offer four simple explanations for this distressing political paradox:

          Weakness, Cruelty, Folly and Perversity.

          Taking them in order:

          Weakness. 

       Many honorable and intelligent conservatives are simply unable to stop the destruction of society. Their intentions are good and their plans are fine, but they lack effective political power

          Such quixotic gentry are a sad spectacle, meriting our love, compassion and pity. Please note that nowadays we usually call such conservatives “liberals”.

          Cruelty.

          Some strong and intelligent conservatives are corrupt liars. They promise to defend society, but in fact plan exploitation. For this they will say that false is true, no is yes, spending is saving, slavery is freedom, poverty is wealth, ignorance is wisdom, and war is peace; but they do not deceive themselves. Don’t you be deceived!

          This “bad guy” theory is usually considered pessimistic; actually, this is the best scenario! Exploiters, though powerful and dangerous, are few and vulnerable; once identified and forcefully confronted, they can usually be intimidated into limiting their crimes. Far more dangerous than Cruelty is:

          Folly.

          Far too many honorable and powerful conservatives fool themselves. They are their own dupes, living their own lies. Blinded by double-think, they do believe that  no is yes, spending is saving, slavery is freedom, poverty is wealth, ignorance is wisdom, and war is peace. Such folk are Destruction’s harshest critics – and best agents.

          Sentimentalists and sycophants consider such stupidity an excuse – or even an asset! When a leader’s mad plans cause mass suffering, his allies say, “forgive him, for he knew not what he did!” If he didn’t know what he was doing, then why was he doing it? Or even, “he wasn’t a crook; he was only a fool!” That’s like saying that his disease wasn’t flu, it was only cancer.

          Experience teaches us that folly is not the best political excuse, but the worst. If you must choose between and crook and a fool, then choose the crook; for you can police a crook, but a fool is a force of nature.

          Finally we have the nastiest reason of all:

          Perversity.

          “Conservatism”, as a social movement, is sworn to defend society against the forces of destruction; but that, by definition, mean that “conservatism” has a vested interest in destruction; for if the forces of destruction were to vanish, then so would the need for “conservatism”!

          This is an example of a perverse social dynamic called the Vested Interest Phenomenon, or “VIP”. The “VIP” states that any social service organization has a vested interest in the continued existence of precisely those social evils which it is sworn to combat.

          Were social evils to disappear, then so would social service organizations. Organizations need to be needed; they survive only if need survives too. Complete success would be as fatal as complete failure; therefore all such organizations tend to evolve modes of partial failure. These can be caused by weakness, cruelty, folly, or (usually) a combination of these.

          The vested-interest phenomenon is perverse, annoying, and in the case of “conservatism”, often lethal ; for “conservatism” is opposed to – and allied with – destruction.

          Therefore, dear reader, I offer advice.  You may someday encounter a person of political ambition; and that person may say to you:

          “Give me power, and I will restore the Old Ways. I will limit spending, lower taxes, balance the budget, and get government off your back. I promise to support family values, economic growth, national security, personal liberty, reverence for tradition, respect for authority, and religious faith. I will turn back the clock to the Good Old Days. I will lead a Conservative Revolution.”

          If you ever encounter such a person, then for the sake of all you value, I beg of you, dear reader;

          BEWARE!