Team Taser

Team Taser

 

Here I propose a replacement for football. It was meant as a simulated war game, but it turns out that chronic repeated football tackles damage the brain.

          Team Taser forbids tackling, but it arms every player with tasers. This is to make their falling-down authentic. (Paintball and laser-tag have an authenticity problem.) Perhaps we can make Team Taser a ball game like football; each team tries to carry a ball to a goal despite the other team's tasering resistance. Or perhaps Team Taser can be a death-cage game, with the last one standing wins it for the team.

          Voltages and currents of tasers are to be regulated. No doubt this will force the evolution of sports tasers, which will hit the streets.

          Once someone is tased, they are out for the game. This is to give in-game authenticity, but also sound medical reasons.  Actually I am not sure how bad chronic repeated tasing is. This is a way to find out.

          Tasing head, neck and groin are to be forbidden. Perhaps crotchguards and helmets would be appropriate; but otherwise the players are to be clad in spandex.

          Basically, Team Taser is a barely sublimated knife fight. Hence vicious. That should appeal to the masses. 

Other taser sports are possible. A one-on-one taser fight, in a ring, would be a fine substitute for boxing. Again, a barely sublimated knife fight.  If you want barely sublimated sword fights: taser canes. Which of course should glow and buzz.