viridians 2

           Viridians

 

 

One of my in-my-head-and-will-probably-stay-there projects is a science-fiction show called “The Viridians”. It’s set in an Earth embassy on planet Viridia. The inhabitants have green skin; but not all the exact same tint of green. The Viridians call those with slightly lighter green skin-tint ‘white’, and those among them with slightly darker green skin tint ‘black’, and they’re super-racist about it, against the ‘blacks’. Insert social commentary here.

 

The color difference is subtle, and it varies by sun exposure, so the humans often screw up the difference. Sometimes the humans confuse the general with the janitor. Insert comic chaos here.

 

The humans are enlightened and advanced and unprejudiced... sort of. The humans got around the race thing by mastering the art of recoloring skin. You go to the coloring machine’s control panel, you select a color, and you walk in. It lights up, it goes VWAUUUMMM, and you walk out with skin the color you chose. It’s called the McBean Machine, in honor of “The Sneetches” by Seuss.

 

The human ambassador’s wife is a vain fashionista, who changes her skin color often. She’s light brown, dark brown, blue, violet, orange, neon yellow, chartreuse, crimson, light green, dark green, chalk-white, and coal-black, depending on her mood and her aesthetic judgement. For instance she might change her skin to match her hat. We never see her natural skin tint.

 

Most humans are more conservative in their skin color choices. Few venture beyond what the Viridians call brown. Some keep their natural color, to save money.

 

The ambassador’s wife humble-brags about how much her McBean Machine costs. She quietly pities her subordinates for being too poor to afford their own McBean Machines. Thus the humans defused skin-tint injustice by dissolving it into the One Injustice To Rule Them All: MONEY.

 

To the Viridians we’re all naturally brown. They look at us with bafflement. How to relate to beings so alien and fluid in, quote, race, unquote? Which human is inferior and which is superior? The humans insist that the human race is one; and even more infuriating, that the Viridian race is one.

 

Eventually the Viridians figure out that the humans discriminate on the basis of money, so the Viridians learn to flatter and bully the humans accordingly. A few quietly buy their own McBean Machines, in order to social-climb.

 

That’s the tale. This is Star-Trekian social commentary, with a satirical edge. This is not a utopia. Really the humans are no better than the Viridians, they just changed games.

 

Feel free to steal this story.