Thoughts and Prayers to Whom?

 Thoughts and Prayers to Whom?

 

It is a tradition now long established that each of America's mass shootings be followed by a ritual call for thoughts and prayers. But thoughts and prayers to whom? To which spirit being is this shibboleth addressed? What mythic legend merits such thoughts and prayers, at a time like this?

The theocrats who make this call claim to speak for the deity known as Yahweh, or Christ, or Allah. But I do not think that being, under any of those names, would appreciate such thoughts or prayers. That would be out of character. Even Yahweh would disapprove of mass murder not done for revolutionary liberation or national security.

So I say that those thoughts and prayers do not go to Yahweh, Christ, or Allah. Instead they go elsewhere. But to whom?

Various candidates come to mind. Thanos wants to kill half of all life, Sauron likes human sacrifice, and Cthulhu is horrifying; but they're all niche myths. Satan is lord of evil, which fits, and he has broad name recognition. Therefore I propose this counter-shibboleth:

Thoughts and prayers to Satan!

And, to fit the spirit of the occasion:

No Lives Matter.