Zombie POV, A Movie Sketch

Zombie POV

          Outline for a movie

          This is a zombie tale, told from the zombie’s point of view. The zombie never realizes he’s a zombie; to him he looks normal, not a decaying horror; it’s everyone else who looks like a zombie, to him. Our heroid’s name is Kruger Dunning; after the Dunning-Kruger Effect, in which the incompetent are incompetent at realizing their own incompetence.

          Kruger Dunning dies, is buried, revenates, and digs himself out of the ground. We the viewer see him as he sees himself; normal; and we see the real humans as Kruger Dunning sees them; as decaying monsters. To himself he moves at a normal speed (but with a persistent stumble) and all the others move super-fast. On occasion he shambles past a mirror, and we see him in it, in all his rotten glory, but of course Kruger Dunning doesn’t notice. He wonders out loud how the zombie apocalypse got everyone except him.

          In the end he loses of course; the ‘zombies’ – i.e. real humans – are smarter and quicker and stronger than he is. In fact we come out looking like really scary monsters. Also he’s plagued by heat, cold, injuries and insects. In the end a pack of  dogs sniff at him, and he decides to lie down and ‘take a nap’.

Saga Of The Spook Duke

         Saga Of The Spook Duke

         Outline of a fantasy historical play in 3 acts

         Act One. Enter Edward de Vere, 17^th Earl of Oxford. He is cultured, well-travelled, well-spoken and imaginative. His Queen summons him to her secret service. Intrigue follows; espionage, secrets, lies, exposures, reversals, betrayals, swordfights and the knife in the back. In the end Elizabeth the First deprives him of title, lands, name, identity… but not life. He becomes a genuine ‘spook’; not merely a spy, but truly a restless spirit, neither alive nor dead. And what made the Virgin Queen grant so grim a reward, and the Earl accept it? I propose illicit love. His clever tongue got him into trouble, and then halfway out.

         Act Two. The Spook Duke (yes, he’s an Earl, but Spook Duke rhymes) takes to dreaming, having nought else to while away the tedious days and year of his half-life. He dreams of the life he used to have; and what a tale he tells! But he cannot speak in forthright journalistic prose, for the ever-watchful Queen would punish indiscretion with true death. Instead he retreats to poetic drama. And even so, what use unpublished playwrighting? Enter Wm. Shakespeare, impresario, manager of the Globe Theater. He offers a deal; “I provide actors, sets, costumes, audience and my signature; you, O Spook Duke, provide the one thing I lack; Genius.” And why does the forlorn Spook Duke accept the humble role of ghostwriter? What but illicit love? The genius is bisexual and grateful, the impresario opportunistic; such liasons are not unknown in the theater world.

         Act Three. Time passes, as does life. Eventually the Bard dies, both his body (Wm. Shakespeare) and his soul (the Spook Duke). The Bard is laid to rest, a tombstone erected at the gravesite; and on the headstone are the words, “curs’d be he who moves these bones.” Does the grave have something to hide? Could it be that the coffin holds not one skeleton, but two? But who would dare defy the Bard’s curse, just to check a literary theory?

         The curse is on “he who moves these bones.”  I propose this ending, fit for a Queen; the gravediggers and forensic scientists who unearth the coffin are women!

World Triumphant, an Underfable

         World Triumphant

         Once upon a time a Savior came to save the world from itself. His cause was righteous and his methods were ruthless. Perfection beckoned, the end justified the means, and resistance was futile.

Soon all men bowed down to him, willingly or not; but every angel that he commanded became a devil, and every devil that he battled became an angel. He soon learned how to speak and think like those whom he had overthrown.

In the end it was the Savior, and not the world, who was destroyed in order to be saved.

Moral: Turnabout is fair play.

The Terabuck Loan, an Underfable

        The Terabuck Loan

          (after Matthew 18:23-25)

          Once upon a time, a Bankster begged Uncle Sam for an extension on Sam’s terabuck loan. “I’ll get it back to you, I swear,” babbled the Bankster.

          “You messed up,” said Sam. “That’s what you needed the terabuck for! So when will I get back my money?”

          “Not right now, but soon!”

          Uncle Sam sighed. “All right. But this is your last chance!”

          The Bankster left Sam; and to the first person the Bankster met he said, “Pay me back the thousand dollars you owe me.”

          That person said, “I’ll get it back to you, I swear! Soon!”

          “Not good enough,” said the Bankster. “This is your last chance! Give me my money or else!”

          The Bankster did this everywhere he went, and word of this got to Sam. Uncle Sam summoned the Bankster and raged at him. “You hypocrite! You crook! I should have you thrown into prison!”

          “And then how would you get back your money?” the Bankster boldly retorted. “And then what will you do when your creditors come for you?”

          Uncle Sam took the Bankster’s point. He pulled at his beard and he said, “Go, and do my work!”

          Moral:  Shit flows downhill.

The Clever Bankster, an Underfable

          The Clever Bankster

          (after Luke 16:1-8)

          Once upon a time, the Martian Overlord said to his Bankster, “I hear that you’ve been dipping into funds. I demand an audit!”

          The Bankster told himself, “He’s going to fire me. What to do? I’m too stupid for programming and too sane for politics, so I’d better buy friends.” The Bankster called in each of the Overlord’s debtors and let each one sign off on a reduced debt.

          When the Martian Overlord’s spies told him this, he said, “What a clever crook! The natives are so astute about each other!”

          Moral:  Buy friends now while you’ve still got the dough.