How Sogwa Nixed the Nix

            Once upon a time the people were upset, because they kept on losing things. They lost hats, and jackets, and favorite toys, and money, and ice cream. They’d turn their back on something for just a second, and when they looked again, the thing would be gone! Then no matter how hard they searched, and how much they worried and complained, the thing would not come back, and not even Hannah could find it again. That was scary, so Sogwa the supercat decided to do something about it.

            So Sogwa went up to a spider’s web, and she said to the web, “Who’s stealing all the stuff?” The web said, “Accessing data. Please hold.” Sogwa waited patiently, for what else can you do? The web always takes so long. Finally the web said, “It is the Nix.” And Sogwa said, “Who or what is the Nix?” There was another wait, and Sogwa groomed herself from head to tail, and then the web said, “The Nix is neither a Who nor a What; it is a Not. It is what it isn’t, and it isn’t what it is. The Nix is always for no, and never for yes.  It loves the lie and hates the truth. The Nix breaks but it does not make, it takes but it does not give, it talks but it does not listen, and it does not know that it does not know.” Then Sogwa asked, “What can I do about the Nix?” and she settled down and closed her eyes. After a long nap, she woke up just in time to hear the web say, “There is nothing you can do about the Nix, and there is nothing that you have to do about the Nix, because the Nix is already nothing.”

            “I will set a trap,” said Sogwa, and she went home to bake a cake. It was a special cake, a Fake Cake; all of its ingredients were imaginary. Into a big mixing bowl Sogwa  poured a half-pint of water from the Fountain of Youth, a cup of shark’s milk, and a teaspoon of snake oil. She added a dragon’s egg, thirteen rat feathers, a bolt of turtle fur, and a whisker from Santa’s beard. Next came a pinch of phlogiston, a philosopher’s stone, a free lunch, some wooden iron and a gram of unobtainium. Finally she tossed in an honest politician’s hat. She baked all those impossible ingredients into an even more impossible cake. It couldn’t be there, yet it was.

            Sogwa set the Fake Cake on the windowsill to cool down; then she turned her back on it for just a second. When she looked again, the Fake Cake was gone! The Nix  had swallowed it whole. Sogwa smiled. She said, “That’s a trick the Nix will wish it missed!” Then she heard a deep groan come from deep underground.

            That night Sogwa dreamed that three goons came by. They said, “The big boss wants to talk to you,” and brave Sogwa said, “Show me where.”  The goons took her to an elevator, and they all got in, and they closed the door, and they pushed the DOWN button, and down they went. Down, down, down, past basement and sub-basement and sub-sub-sub-sub-basement, down, down, down for miles and tens and hundreds and thousands of miles and finally they sunk below even the furnace room and they reached  the lowest place of all, where they got out.

            Sogwa found herself  in the world headquarters of the Nix News Dream Corporation. There were thousands of floodlights blazing at her; and millions of dream cameras  looking at her; and the Nix was there too, and it was mad at her.

            The Nix said, “Your Fake Cake gave me heartburn!” But Sogwa replied, “How can your heart burn? You have no heart.” And all the dreamers watching agreed that she was right; the Nix had no heart, and it never had one.

            Then the Nix said, “Your Fake Cake made my guts grumble!” But Sogwa replied, “How can your guts grumble? You have no guts.” And all the dreamers watching agreed that she was right; the Nix had no guts, and it never had any.

            Then the Nix said, “Your Fake Cake makes my brain ache!” But Sogwa replied, “How can your brain ache? You have no brain.” And all the dreamers watching agreed that she was right; the Nix had no brain, and it never had one.

            Then all the dreamers asked each other, “If the Nix has no heart and no guts and no brain,  then why bother watching it? Let’s forget Nix News and go dream better dreams.” So all the dream cameras blipped away to other channels, and all the floodlights shorted out, and the Nix News Dream Corporation  lost all its money, just like that.

            The Nix roared, “You’ve ruined me!  But I’ll get even!” Seeking revenge, the Nix turned into a giant shadow. It surrounded Sogwa and attacked. The darkness within the Nix was hard, shiny, jagged and whirly; and trapped inside its silence was  a roar and a scream. Within the Nix, up was down and near was far and light was heavy and yes was no; for the Nix knew nothing, not even itself.

            Sogwa wasn’t frightened, or dizzy, or even worried. There was nothing she could do, but there was nothing she had to do; so she sat down, and closed her eyes,  and did nothing. She did as much nothing as possible, and she did it very well; for cats are good at doing nothing. Sogwa blissfully contemplated herself; and cats are good at doing that, too.

            The Nix raged, but the cat purred, and her purr said peace. She purred so gently that anyone in dreamland could hear it if they listened right. Her purr said that up is not down, that near is not far, that light is not heavy, and that yes is not no. Sogwa knew the difference, because Sogwa knew  herself. 

            Soon the blazing blackness softened to honest restful night, and the silence grew quiet. Sogwa  looked around and saw that she was back in her own bed, safe and warm under her own covers. The Nix was gone; but just to make sure, Sogwa slipped back into dreamland. She asked the people of dreamland if they had seen the Nix, and they all said, “What Nix? There is no Nix, and there never was.”

                                                           

            That’s the story that Sogwa told me last night, and now I’ve told it to you. The End.