The Judgement of Sarip, 2 of 6

 

Hail Eris!

 

Aphrodite said, “We mostly agree with your judgement.”

Athena said, “We each two-thirds agree.”

Hera said, “I shall call up Eris immediately.” She clapped her hands twice, and said,

“Oh spirits true to one and all;

We contact you to place a call!”

From out of the air sounded a loud BEEP! A voice from the air said, “Welcome to Gaia Wireless. Whom do you wish to call up?”

Hera said, “Eris! Goddess of Discord!”

Aphrodite said, “And Chaos!”

Athena said, “And Confusion!”

The voice from the air said, “Please state your number.”

Aphrodite said, “Sixty-nine!”

Hera said, “One!”

Athena said, “Pi!”

          From out of the air sounded a loud BEEP! Then the voice of Eris said, “Twenty-three!” Eris appeared out of a mushroom blast of sulfurous smoke. She coughed until the smoke dissipated, then she said, “Who dares to summon me thus?”

          Aphrodite said, “Hi there, sweety! It’s us!”

          Athena said, “The judge has made his decision.”

          Eris said, “Aha, the contest! So who won?”

          Sarip said, “I award the Apple of Discord to you.”

          Eris said, “To me? You’re throwing my own Apple back at me?”

          Hera said, “Yes he is, just to end the contest.”

Eris said, “That judgement is perverse! It’s hypocritical, it’s fake, it’s a lie! No-one thinks I’m the prettiest!”

Athena said, “Of course it’s perverse. He can’t afford to be weak, as the wise are, so he didn’t give the Apple to me.”

Hera said, “And he can’t afford to be unfair, as the rich are, so he didn’t give the Apple to me.”

Aphrodite said, “And he can’t afford to be foolish, as the masses are, so he didn’t give the Apple to me.”

Sarip said, “I can’t afford to be weak, or unfair, or foolish; so I have no choice but to be perverse. Therefore I give the Apple to you.”

He did so. Eris held the Apple of Discord, and she read, “‘Kallisti’. To the prettiest one. So I win!”

Athena said, “But by winning you lose.”

Aphrodite said, “You are as pretty as the Kindly Ones are kindly!”

Hera said, “Begone! And take your poisoned fruit with you!”

          Hera clapped her hands twice. Eris disappeared into a mushroom blast of sulfurous smoke.

The goddesses huddled together, spoke quietly to each other, then they all faced Sarip.

Aphrodite said, “You have pleased us, so we will reward you.”

Hera said, “You have angered us, so our rewards will be tainted.”

Athena said, “Each reward will be two-thirds a blessing, but one-third a curse.”