Athena’s Reward
Once home, he hid Hera’s bag of endless gold under his mattress. Then Athena called to him from outside. He opened the door and said, “Come in, come in, come in.”
Athena crossed his threshold, then she said, “I am here to give you some advice, then teach you a magic spell.”
“What do you advise?”
“You must understand that our gifts are each one-third a curse. Take Aphrodite’s gift. You can pleasure any woman, but what kind of woman will you pleasure? A beautiful woman? But you have already been kissed by the goddess of beauty!”
“Compared to Aphrodite, all other women are ugly!”
“Just so! You can love any woman, but now all women are ugly to you. Therefore you must love an ugly woman.”
“That is a curse!”
“Yes, but she will be grateful, and no other man will try to take her away from you.”
“Then it’s two-thirds a blessing.”
“Just so. As for Hera’s tainted gift, you can buy any woman’s loyalty. But what kind of woman will you buy? A rich woman? But all other women are poor compared to Hera. Therefore you must wed a poor woman.”
“Another curse. But I do have endless wealth.”
“About which: you must hide Hera’s bag of endless gold so well that the world does not even suspect that it exists.”
“What stratagem do you suggest?”
Athena said, “Money laundering! Here is the plan: secretly bury a sturdy chest, filled with Hera’s gold, in a corner of your farm. Wait awhile, then announce that you have found a map to a buried treasure.”
“A map that I drew myself?”
“On old parchment. Unearth the gold before witnesses, and with that gold buy a failing business. It needn’t actually make a profit, you need only claim that it does, to explain away your income.”
Sarip said, “Should I bury other treasure chests full of gold? Just in case someone does take Hera’s gift from me?”
Athena said, “That would be prudent. So now you can seduce any woman, and you can purchase any woman. But what kind of woman will you seduce and purchase? Not a beautiful woman, nor a wealthy one.”
“Well, Athena, I’ve always been attracted to intelligent women.”
“And when you are attracted close enough to an intelligent woman to hear what she has to say, then do you listen?”
“Sometimes.”
“Well, I am the goddess of intelligence, so sometimes listen to me! And I say; wed a woman wiser than you!”
“Where do I find such a woman?”
“Almost anywhere, for you are merely a man. Know her by these signs: when you give her kisses and coins, she will respond with critique! She will find fault and demand improvements! She will say that you must change your life! And if you have any sense at all, then you will listen to her, and you will do what she says!”
“What a curse!”
“But she will nag you out of love and loyalty, with wisdom superior to yours, and for your own good.”
“Then two-thirds a blessing. But what if we disagree?”
“Of course you’ll disagree. You are a man, therefore foolish, and she will be wiser than you. You will quarrel; but fortunately I know a magic spell, which I will presently teach you.”
“What does it do?”
“It’ll quell any quarrel. Just utter seven magic words, then right away her wrath will vanish, and peace will return to your home. Say these seven magic words, and your marriage will be saved!”
“Just seven words? That sounds easy.”
“No, these words are not easy. The spell is true magic, so casting it is work! It’s hard work! To say these words, you must concentrate! You must suffer! Cast this spell only as a last resort! For these seven words speak the truth, and the truth will set you free, but first it’ll hurt!”
“What are the seven magic words?” Sarip scratched his head. “Are they… ‘You are beautiful, and I love you’?”
Athena laughed loud and long. Then she said, “No, no, no, you foolish man, that spell never works! Even though men constantly try to cast it! Here is the true spell.” Athena bellowed,
“ ‘You are right, and I was wrong!’ ”
Sarip winced. “Those words are hard to say.”
“This lesson is one-third a curse and two-thirds a blessing, for that is my reward to you. And now I take my leave.” Which she did.
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