Friday, December 14, 2012

From the Liar: Birth Column

       From the Annals of “The National Liar”:

       Birth Column

         Joseph G. Smith, a.k.a. “Zorgon”; USA; neuro-programmer. Will pioneer neural implant technology, brain-mapping, cyber-sex, artificial orgone, virtual corporality. Will succumb to system-crash on April 2, 2068.

         Hans Asmunssen, Denmark; first European Prime Minister. Will consolidate European Union; will be instrumental in negotiating end of Sino-Israeli War. Will die of pneumonia on January 23, 2081.

         Alfredo Jesus Gonzales, Bolivia; Neo-Socialist activist. Will lead first Global General Strike to successful conclusion. Will be assassinated by corporate agents on July 17, 2049.

         Dogo Khan, Bangladesh, planetary financier. Will finance U.S.A. bailout, transatlantic tunnel, second Mars colony; lobbied successfully against raising planetary surtax. Will be fully acquitted of all involvement in Gonzales assassination. Will die of heart failure on August 10, 2092.

         Athande Ashoto, Nigeria; bio-medical researcher. Will discover cures for AIDS, cancer, stroke, emphysema, and the yaws. Will die of German measles on March 18, 2063.

         George Fuller, Australia; cosmonaut. Will explore asteroid belt, Jovian moons, Saturn's rings. Firsts will include: descending into Neptunian atmosphere, rendevous with comet, flyby through solar corona. Will die en route to galactic core, of quark irradiation, on September 11, 2070 (shiptime); June 7, 300000 (Earthtime).

No comments:

Post a Comment