From the Liar: Gossip's Grammar

 From the Annals of “The National Liar”:

         Gossip's Grammar

         Declining Nouns:

I watch video; you watch TV; he watches the boob tube.

I see the cinema; you see the movies; he sees the flicks.

I read literature; you read books; he reads texts.

I read erotica; you read pornography; he reads sleaze.

I eat cuisine; you eat food; he eats grub.

I write epistles; you write letters; he writes memos.

I drive a sedan; you drive a large car; he drives a gas-guzzler.

I drive an import sedan; you drive a Japanese car;

         he drives a rice-burner.

I am an attorney; you are a lawyer; he is a shyster.

I am a scholar; you are a student; he is a pupil.

I am a professor; you are a teacher; he is a pedant.

I am a patriot; you are a citizen; he is a scoundrel.

I am a statesman; you are a politician; he is a crook.

         Irregular Verbs:

I feast; you eat; he gorges.

I inbibe; you drink; he swills.

I struggle; you fight; he attacks.

I withdraw; you retreat; he flees.

I negotiate; you compromise; he sells out.

I inquire; you ask; he pries.

I research; you study; he crams.    

I review; you read; he skims.

I distribute; you sell; he hucksters.

I acquire; you purchase; he purloins.

I invest; you spend; he squanders.

         Inflected Adjectives:

I am reasonable; you are flexible; he is spineless.

I am principled; you are firm; he is stubborn.

I am ingenious; you are clever; he is devious.

I am honest; you are direct; he is simple.

I am chaste; you are single; he is repressed.

I am erotic; you are sexy; he is lewd.

I am indigent; you are poor; he is dirt poor.

I am prosperous; you are rich; he is filthy rich.