Presidential Cat, A Modest Proposal
What with its
responsibility for nukes and spies and wars and all, it’s obvious that the Presidency is not a job
fit for human beings. It does something terrible to the people in it.
(Therefore my quadrennial condolence notes!)
As a remedy for this
tragedy, I propose that we, the people, elect a cat to the Presidency. Power cannot
make a cat cynical, for cats are already completely cynical. The cat will have
to be over forty in cat years, which I estimate as seven and a half. This rules
out my own cat Charlie, still only two,
though he’s pretty enough to campaign, and also his sister Katniss, though she’s
much smarter than he is.
A Presidential cat will
sign no bills, appoint no officers, make no speeches, and declare no wars. He
will in theory represent the complete paralysis of the executive branch; but in
practice the machinery of government will continue to move. Just how it will contrive to do so is
unpredictable, and would therefore be educational.
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