Nobel Peace Prize Abolished

 From the annals of the National Liar

          V1#1, October 31, 1994

 

      Nobel Peace Prize Abolished

 

          Stockholm, Sweden – The Nobel Peace Prize committee has unanimously agreed to award no more Peace Prizes, on the grounds that the Peace Prize is a threat to world peace.

          “It’s a consistent pattern,” said one prominent committee member. “Every time we award a Peace Prize, war breaks out. It seems that politicians stay on their best behavior until we, in effect, give them the go-ahead.”

          “It’s not too surprising, given the quality of the recipients. We’ve awarded many more Peace Prizes to terrorists than to saints. Consider for instance Arafat; or for that matter Kissinger. Three months after his Peace Prize, Nixon bombed Hanoi for Christmas.”

          “It’s true that Mother Teresa didn’t go on a killing spree after getting her Peace Prize, but then again she didn’t have a history of mass murder, unlike most of the other Peace Prize recipients. So it is possible to get a Peace Prize without getting corrupted, but only if you have the spiritual fortitude of a saint.”

          “Let’s face facts; Nobel founded the Peace Prize because he was guilt-stricken over inventing dynamite. He thought it would end war; then he thought his Peace Prize would end war. Poor fool! In effect, the Peace Prize was founded by a mad bomber; it has usually gone to mad bombers; and has been usually followed with mad bombing.

          “The road to Hell is paved with good intentions. So to Hell with the Peace Prize! Sheer double-think, that name; really it’s a War Prize.”