Ten-Front War

          Ten-Front War

 

 

          Washington, DC – Civilian and military officials announced today that they have ‘irrevokably committed’ all Establishment resources to a Ten-Front War. These are the ten fronts:

 

          War on Crime

          War on Drugs

          War on Porn

          War on Gays

          War on the Poor

          War on Immigrants

          War on Workers

          War on Women

          War on the Family

          War on the Earth

 

          High-level officials expressed confidence that they shall be victorious on every single front, despite the fact that each foe is either unbeatable or indispensable. They added that losing on even one of these ten fronts is ‘unthinkable’, and therefore not to be thought about.

          “In our lifetime,” said Dr. Strangelove, “we shall achieve the total elimination of all ten of our enemies. There will be no crime, no drugs, no porn, no gays, no poor, no immigrants, no workers, no women, no families, and no Earth.”

          When our intrepid National Liar reporter asked what there will be, Dr. Strangelove replied, “No comment.”