Tuesday, February 1, 2022

Unused headlines for The National Liar

Unused headlines for The National Liar

 

          “Every Rumor Unfit To Print!”

 

 

 

ELVIS RISES FROM THE DEAD!

Thousands witness saucer miracle!

 

JFK ASSASSINATES REAGAN!

Nation Rejoices!

 

WATER FLOWS UPHILL!

Sun Rises In West

Time An Illusion!

 

HONEST POLITICAN FOUND!!!

 

COLD WAR HOAX!

America and Russia were allies!

 

“Big Bang” Boo-Boo

Cosmos An Industrial Accident!

 

SHARK-EATING MAN

Fish swim in terror!

 

YETI ELECTED PRESIDENT

Snowman orders invasion of Tibet

 

Drug Czar Addict!

“The Devil Made Me Do It!” sobs deposed narc.

 

Santa’s Elves On Strike

Demand overtime pay for six-month nights!

 

Mr. Ed could talk!

 

Relativity Refuted

Hiroshima unscathed!

 

INCUMBENT DEFEATED!

 

POPE PROVES  1+1=1 !!!

 

Zombies Infest White House

 

Stock Market Crashes

Nobody Notices

 

All Horror Flick Gore Genuine

Actors Selected From Audiences

 

Stork Robs Sperm Bank

 

DEATH TOLL FALLS!

Former victims rise from the dead!

 

Photographic Proof That

PIGS HAVE WINGS!

 

Movie Star Grows Third Breast!

Plans World Exhibition Tour

 

Man Faxes Self

 

GOVERNMENT ILLEGAL!

Mobs Rule World

 

TEXAS ELECTS FIRST MALE GOVERNOR

Masculinists Applaud

 

WATER NOT WET

Iron Made Of Wood

 

Gay Whale Weds Godzilla

Judge Crater Presides

 

‘Toon Sex Scandal

Famous Character Strays!

 

MARILYN MONROE BURNS BRA

 

Snow White Love Nest

Princess purrs, “They’re short but fun!”

 

CIA OBEYS CONSTITUTION!!!

 

Preacher Deprograms Marine

“Army Is Satanic Cult!” weeps killer’s distraught Mom

 

SPACE ALIENS INVENTED WAR!

-    and peace!    - 

 

FIAT MONEY SCAM!

Paper backed by lies!

Trillions swindled!

 

God Denounces All Religions!

Disguntled Deity Proclaims:

“I DO NOT EXIST!”

 

 

OUR CREDO: The National Liar is dedicated to the cause of inaccuracy, bias and subjectivity in the news media. We stand by none of these stories. Don’t believe a word of this paper; any resemblance it bears to “reality” is sheer “coincidence”. This newspaper is false!

 

And Remember:

“If You Read It In The Liar, Then It Isn’t True!”

 


 

 

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