From the Liar: Solar Nova

From the annals of the National Liar

Volume 0, #0, April 1, 1993

Solar Nova – World Destroyed

               At precisely, 12:57 A.M. Greenwich Mean Time, on May 1, 1984, the core of the Sun collapsed. In the resulting fiery rebound, the Sun went super-nova. It consumed its entire supply of fusile matter in a stupendous thermonuclear explosion.

               Eight minutes later, the light, heat and radiation of the solar nova impacted the planet Earth. The blast hit so hard that every living creature on the day side perished instantly; all life on the night side died minutes later; and within hours the globe itself was vaporized.

               Earth does not exist. You do not exist. This paper does not exist. You are not reading this paper. You only think you are.

               Reaction to the solar nova was mixed. The Dow-Jones Index fell three points, but trading was active in the money markets. Congress passed a bill forbidding future solar novas; this was challenged, and is now awaiting review by the Supreme Court. A movie about the solar nova is now available on video cassette.

               Polls show that 93% of the American people agree that the end of the world had no effect on their daily lives.

               For further details, see p. 493.