Friday, January 25, 2013

From the Liar: Unused Headlines




               Unused headlines for
       The National Liar
               “Every Rumor Unfit To Print!”


ELVIS RISES FROM THE DEAD!
Thousands witness saucer miracle!

JFK ASSASSINATES REAGAN!
Nation Rejoices!

WATER FLOWS UPHILL!
Sun Rises In West
Time An Illusion!

HONEST POLITICAN FOUND!!!

COLD WAR HOAX!
America and Russia were allies!

“Big Bang” Boo-Boo
Cosmos An Industrial Accident!

SHARK-EATING MAN
Fish swim in terror!

YETI ELECTED PRESIDENT
Snowman orders invasion of Tibet

Drug Czar Addict!
“The Devil Made Me Do It!” sobs deposed narc.

Santa’s Elves On Strike
Demand overtime pay for six-month nights!

Mr. Ed could talk!

Relativity Refuted
Hiroshima unscathed!

INCUMBENT DEFEATED!

POPE PROVES  1+1=1 !!!

Zombies Infest White House

Stock Market Crashes
Nobody Notices

All Horror Flick Gore Genuine
Actors Selected From Audiences

Stork Robs Sperm Bank

DEATH TOLL FALLS!
Former victims rise from the dead!

Photographic Proof That
PIGS HAVE WINGS!

Movie Star Grows Third Breast!
Plans World Exhibition Tour

Man Faxes Self

GOVERNMENT ILLEGAL!
Mobs Rule World

TEXAS ELECTS FIRST MALE GOVERNOR
Masculinists Applaud

WATER NOT WET
Iron Made Of Wood

Gay Whale Weds Godzilla
Judge Crater Presides

‘Toon Sex Scandal
Famous Character Strays!

MARILYN MONROE BURNS BRA


Snow White Love Nest
Princess purrs, “They’re short but fun!”

CIA OBEYS CONSTITUTION!!!

Preacher Deprograms Marine
“Army Is Satanic Cult!” weeps killer’s distraught Mom

SPACE ALIENS INVENTED WAR!
-        and peace!    - 

FIAT MONEY SCAM!
Paper backed by lies!
Trillions swindled!

God Denounces All Religions!
Disguntled Deity Proclaims:
“I DO NOT EXIST!”


OUR CREDO: The National Liar is dedicated to the cause of inaccuracy, bias and subjectivity in the news media. We stand by none of these stories. Don’t believe a word of this paper; any resemblance it bears to “reality” is sheer “coincidence”. This newspaper is false!

And Remember:
“If You Read It In The Liar, Then It Isn’t True!”

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