Unused
headlines for
The National Liar
“Every
Rumor Unfit To Print!”
ELVIS RISES FROM THE DEAD!
Thousands witness saucer miracle!
JFK ASSASSINATES REAGAN!
Nation Rejoices!
WATER FLOWS UPHILL!
Sun Rises In West
Time An Illusion!
HONEST POLITICAN FOUND!!!
COLD WAR HOAX!
America and Russia were allies!
“Big Bang” Boo-Boo
Cosmos An Industrial Accident!
SHARK-EATING MAN
Fish swim in terror!
YETI ELECTED PRESIDENT
Snowman orders invasion of Tibet
Drug Czar Addict!
“The Devil Made Me Do It!” sobs
deposed narc.
Santa’s Elves On Strike
Demand overtime pay for six-month
nights!
Mr. Ed could talk!
Relativity Refuted
Hiroshima unscathed!
INCUMBENT DEFEATED!
POPE PROVES 1+1=1 !!!
Zombies Infest White House
Stock Market Crashes
Nobody Notices
All Horror Flick Gore Genuine
Actors Selected From Audiences
Stork Robs Sperm Bank
DEATH TOLL FALLS!
Former victims rise from the
dead!
Photographic Proof That
PIGS HAVE WINGS!
Movie Star Grows Third Breast!
Plans World Exhibition Tour
Man Faxes Self
GOVERNMENT ILLEGAL!
Mobs Rule World
TEXAS ELECTS FIRST MALE GOVERNOR
Masculinists Applaud
WATER NOT WET
Iron Made Of Wood
Gay Whale Weds Godzilla
Judge Crater Presides
‘Toon Sex Scandal
Famous Character Strays!
MARILYN MONROE BURNS BRA
Snow White Love Nest
Princess purrs, “They’re short
but fun!”
CIA OBEYS CONSTITUTION!!!
Preacher Deprograms Marine
“Army Is Satanic Cult!” weeps
killer’s distraught Mom
SPACE ALIENS INVENTED WAR!
-
and
peace! -
FIAT MONEY SCAM!
Paper backed by lies!
Trillions swindled!
God Denounces All Religions!
Disguntled Deity Proclaims:
“I DO NOT EXIST!”
OUR CREDO: The National Liar is
dedicated to the cause of inaccuracy, bias and subjectivity in the news media.
We stand by none of these stories. Don’t believe a word of this paper; any
resemblance it bears to “reality” is sheer “coincidence”. This newspaper is
false!
And Remember:
“If You Read It In The Liar,
Then It Isn’t True!”
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