From the annals of the National Liar
V2#1,
April 1, 1995
Why Conservatives Destroy
Dear
reader, please consider the following story, one which could be told of many
places – including your home town.
Our tale
begins with the city prosperous but perplexed. Though most people work and
save, some do not; thought most neighborhoods are clean and safe, some are not;
though most people are happy and healthy, some are not. Though the city is a
success, it is haunted by the shadow of failure.
The
people contemplate the paradox of poverty within wealth, and decide that
something must be done. In response to popular protest, politicians promise
radical change. Self-proclaimed revolutionaries are swept into office.
Time
passes; policies change, society adapts. At the end of the revolution, what do
we see?
Disaster!
Mass affluence turns into mass poverty; wages fall, prices rise, and jobs
vanish; debts increase exponentially; private luxury defeats the general welfare;
crime rises despite draconian police power; rights become privileges;
government power expands along with social chaos; corruption dishonors public
service; pious charlatans exploit poverty and ignorance; urban violence
terrorizes ethnic minorities; bigots spew hatred and sedition; prisons
overflow; brutality replaces civility; wars and riots erupt; homeless indigents
sleep on fetid streets; and deadly plagues spread unchecked.
Compare
Before with After: is it not clear that the revolution had failed? That instead
of improving life, the revolutionaries made life far worse? Instead of order,
they brought chaos; instead of wealth, poverty; instead of freedom, slavery;
and instead of peace, war. Isn’t it clear that they came not as saviors but as
destroyers?
And
isn’t it strange when radical ideologues responsible for such destruction call
themselves (of all things!) conservative?
(Or even neo-conservative!) For
what human values do they actually conserve? The plain fact is; conservatives
destroy. Their favorite social safety net is prison; their favorite cultural agenda
is censorship; their favorite economic plan is exploitation; and their favorite
foreign policy is war.
The
question I put to you, dear readers, is:
Why do conservatives destroy?
We here
at the National Liar offer four simple explanations for this distressing
political paradox:
Weakness,
Cruelty, Folly and Perversity.
Taking
them in order:
Weakness.
Many honorable and
intelligent conservatives are simply unable
to stop the destruction of society. Their intentions are good and their plans
are fine, but they lack effective political power
Such
quixotic gentry are a sad spectacle, meriting our love, compassion and pity.
Please note that nowadays we usually call such conservatives “liberals”.
Cruelty.
Some
strong and intelligent conservatives are corrupt liars. They promise to defend
society, but in fact plan exploitation. For this they will say that false is
true, no is yes, spending is saving, slavery is freedom, poverty is wealth, ignorance
is wisdom, and war is peace; but they do not deceive themselves. Don’t you be deceived!
This
“bad guy” theory is usually considered pessimistic; actually, this is the best scenario! Exploiters, though
powerful and dangerous, are few and vulnerable; once identified and forcefully
confronted, they can usually be intimidated into limiting their crimes. Far
more dangerous than Cruelty is:
Folly.
Far too
many honorable and powerful conservatives fool themselves. They are their own
dupes, living their own lies. Blinded by double-think, they do believe that no is yes, spending is saving, slavery is
freedom, poverty is wealth, ignorance is wisdom, and war is peace. Such folk
are Destruction’s harshest critics – and best agents.
Sentimentalists
and sycophants consider such stupidity an excuse – or even an asset! When a leader’s mad plans cause
mass suffering, his allies say, “forgive him, for he knew not what he did!” If
he didn’t know what he was doing, then why was he doing it? Or even, “he wasn’t
a crook; he was only a fool!” That’s like saying that his disease wasn’t flu,
it was only cancer.
Experience
teaches us that folly is not the best political excuse, but the worst. If you must choose between and crook and a
fool, then choose the crook; for you can police a crook, but a fool is a force
of nature.
Finally
we have the nastiest reason of all:
Perversity.
“Conservatism”,
as a social movement, is sworn to defend society against the forces of
destruction; but that, by definition, mean that “conservatism” has a vested interest in destruction; for if
the forces of destruction were to vanish, then so would the need for
“conservatism”!
This is
an example of a perverse social dynamic called the Vested Interest Phenomenon, or “VIP”. The “VIP” states that any social service organization has a vested
interest in the continued existence of precisely those social evils which it is
sworn to combat.
Were
social evils to disappear, then so would social service organizations.
Organizations need to be needed; they survive only if need survives too.
Complete success would be as fatal as complete failure; therefore all such
organizations tend to evolve modes of partial failure. These can be caused by
weakness, cruelty, folly, or (usually) a combination of these.
The
vested-interest phenomenon is perverse, annoying, and in the case of
“conservatism”, often lethal ; for “conservatism” is opposed to – and allied
with – destruction.
Therefore,
dear reader, I offer advice. You may
someday encounter a person of political ambition; and that person may say to
you:
“Give me
power, and I will restore the Old Ways. I will limit spending, lower taxes,
balance the budget, and get government off your back. I promise to support
family values, economic growth, national security, personal liberty, reverence
for tradition, respect for authority, and religious faith. I will turn back the
clock to the Good Old Days. I will lead a Conservative Revolution.”
If you
ever encounter such a person, then for the sake of all you value, I beg of you,
dear reader;
BEWARE!
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